THERE'S such a hideously diverse array of Halloween-themed clubs happening over the next couple of days that it would be impossible to list them all in today's newspaper, never mind this column.

Sauchiehall Street's finest are gearing up for one of their busiest nights of the year, while simultaneously hundreds of eager clubbers from Possil to Pollokshaws are right now eyeing the doorbell, hoping their sexy nurse costume arrives on time.

So where do we start?

The biggest Halloween party this year is Pressure's, which takes over at The Arches tomorrow night.

It's undoubtedly special because it's the launch of Slam's long-awaited new album Reverse Proceed, which is already being touted as "their best body of work to date."

As ever the duo - Orde Meikle and Stuart Macmillan - will be playing live, with the "Baron of Techno" Dave Clarke in session too, as well as sets from London's Boddika, Frankfurter Karotte and local faves Silicone Soul.

On Saturday the chaos continues as Colours bring superstar house DJ Eddie Halliwell back to the legendary club. Café Mambo - the iconic Ibizan sunset strip bar - takes over the back arch, with The Mambo Brothers and special guests spinning blissful Balearic house.

And over in Finnieston, Arches Wednesday nighter ShangriLa host UK Garage trio Eton Messy for a weekend special.

They're bringing Bristol duo Blonde, Just Kiddin and Karma Kid with them, while house sensations Bondax do their stuff downstairs.

l Pressure Halloween, tomorrow, The Arches, 10pm - 3am, £20

l Eddie Halliwell, Saturday, The Arches, 10pm - 3am, £24.50

l Eton Messy, Saturday, SWG3, 10pm - 3am, £10

Concrete labyrinth

PRESSURE might be the biggest party this weekend, but SWG3 arguably has the coolest - the horror movie-themed Last Warehouse On The Right.

For this doozy, a trio of popular local promoters - the Sub Club's Sub Rosa, Stay Fresh and Thunder Disco - have teamed up to turn the former derelict warehouse into a creepy concrete labyrinth, with residents from all three spinning house, hip-hop and elastic disco.

The considerably more cultured Black Magick, at Maryhill's Glue Factory, brings together short film, live music from Ayawara, house and techno from Huntleys & Palmers' Mehmet Aslan, and eclectic vibes from David Barbarossa.

l Last Warehouse On The Right, tomorrow, SWG3, 11pm - 3am, £10/12

l The Night Fair presents Black Magick, tomorrow, The Glue Factory, 6pm - 2am, £5 after 10pm

Simple Things

AMID all the Halloween madness it should be remembered that there's a pretty incredible-looking festival on Saturday that has nothing to do with the occult, nothing to do with dressing up, and everything to do with the best alternative and electronic music around right now.

Its first foray outside Bristol has the likes of English industrial dance duo Autechre, Berlin-based electronica experimenter Clark, and Leeds trip-hop DJ Nightmares on Wax spread across three venues, with a multitude of amazing acts. A quick glance throws up the likes of Actress, LuckyMe, Vitamins, Handpicked and Lone, with the FACT x LuckyMe showcase at the Art School looking particularly strong. Think Stag & Dagger, but, y'know, good.

l Synth presents Simple Things, Saturday, O2 ABC, Broadcast, The Art School, 2pm - 12am, £20

Three of the best

WE'RE running out of space, so just know this: The Berkeley Suite has Philanthrobeats residents on all night tomorrow and all proceeds go to the club night's charity, then Quarriers will benefit if you go to A Monster Ball on Saturday at the same venue - think of it as a pre-club in the club.

And tomorrow, Gordon Street's perennial favourite the Bier Halle turns 15 and they're celebrating with a 90s-themed SWG3 pre-party.

l Philanthrobeats, tomorrow, The Berkeley Suite, 11pm - 3am, £5

l A Monster Ball, Saturday, The Berkeley Suite, 7.30pm - 11pm, £10/8

l Bier Halle's 15th Birthday, tomorrow, Bier Halle, 7pm - late, free