THE sad truth is that this week Ashton Lane is, for all the wrong reasons, the most talked-about cobbled thoroughfare in the city.

In the early hours of Monday morning the Celtic goalkeeper Lukasz Zaluska was walking down the lane with his partner when he was allegedly assaulted by a fellow Scottish Premiership footballer.

It makes the picturesque lane statistically one of the most dangerous places to be if you're a Celtic player or manager - in 2008 Neil Lennon was knocked unconscious in a vicious and unprovoked attack hours after an Old Firm game.

The player who allegedly assaulted Zaluska can't be named for legal reasons, but a quick Twitter search throws up reams of wild, baseless accusations - many of them more speculative than Kris Boyd's attempts on goal this season.

It raises the question: "Why Zaluska?"

He's the Scottish champions' second-choice goalkeeper and spends much of his time on the bench, having only made two appearances this season.

Unlike his fellow Pole Artur Boruc, he has done little to raise the ire of opponents or rival fans.

And why can thousands of revellers enjoy the lane's hostelries of a weekend without getting attacked, but footballers cannot?

Much safer, it would seem, to just stay in Vodka Wodka and never leave.

It's a cozy Ashton Lane boozer which feels traditional but is really anything but.

Eagle-eared Twitter users have commented on their Boiler Room set background music, and much of the clientele is made up of lecture-fatigued Glasgow Uni students in need of liquid relief from the stresses of higher education.

It offers up, as you might expect, a sterling selection of vodkas, and a blurry night spent there unfortunately ended with me worse for wear and quoting early Strokes-era Julian Casablancas: "I took too many varieties."

And you know what? I'd do it again.