Eton Messy

A WEALTH of fresh house talent takes over The Arches tomorrow for this special weekend edition of the student-friendly blowout Shangri-La.

The UK deep house trio Eton Messy are in charge: despite the elitist name their tastes are decidedly populist, with Bristol duo Blonde, Kettering's Just Kiddin and Londoner Karma Kid locked in to play the cavernous main arch.

As well as Eton Messy's pals, UK house sensations Bondax take over the club's front arch with backup from the likes of local heroes Dom D'Sylva and Wardy, Manchester's TCTS and Sheffield's Kidnap Kid.

All are experienced house DJs and with plays from Nick Grimshaw and Annie Mac, you get the feeling that this is going to be rowdy in the best possible sense.

Dance fans would also do well to note Balearic Mike's appearance at Queen Street sweatbox La Cheetah on Saturday.

This largely unsung hero of the DJ world has played at some of the world's top clubs and carries a style and panache that puts him up there with the best - yet he continues to fly under the radar.

His sound is genre-hopping and isn't solely about Balearic beats, but you can expect sunbleached beach bar vibes at this second birthday for house night Pistols at Dawn.

€¢ Eton Messy, tomorrow, The Arches, 10pm - 3am, £12

€¢ Balearic Mike, Saturday, La Cheetah, 11pm - 3am, £8

Bigfoot's Tea Party

After last month's storming sixth birthday party with Radio Slave, Bigfoot's Tea Party return to the Subbie tomorrow to kick off 2015 the only way they know how.

Free entry before 12am and a residents-only bill of Wrick and Chris means that devotees of this long-running party can enjoy a distillation of its eclectic sound for absolutely no money at all.

What a great bunch of lads.

On Saturday, expect similar scenes at Subculture as their homegrown house hero Telford takes over the booth all night long.

And on Wednesday, Sub Rosa continue their run of great guest DJs as they welcome JG Wilkes, one half of local legends Optimo, for an evening of exceptional tunes. Speaking of which: tomorrow, at Sauchiehall Street's Broadcast, a new night from Sub Rosa resident Nowicki launches with the promise of "a fusion of electronic, jazzy and funky cuts from the unknown and classic party bumpers."

It's called - appropriately - Renegades of Funk, and that description alone gives me a good feeling about it.

€¢ Bigfoot's Tea Party, tomorrow, Sub Club, 11pm - 3am, free before 12am/£7 after

€¢ Subculture with Telford, Saturday, Sub Club, 11pm - 3am, £5 before 12am, £10 after

€¢ Sub Rosa with JG Wilkes, Wednesday, Sub Club, 11pm - 3am, £5

€¢ Renegades of Funk, tomorrow, Broadcast, 10.30pm - 3am, £5

Brut Burns Party

You get the feeling that the notoriously randy Bard would have felt an affinity with Brut's tagline of "Monthly Sleaze Club," so who better to hold an alternative Burns supper than these guys?

Of course, Rabbie might be disappointed that it's just the tunes at Brut that are sleazy (I can't speak for its patrons, you'll have to find out yourselves), but by dragging the Burns Supper into the modern age Brut are providing an important outlet for those of us who want to celebrate the man, but avoid all that toasting and haggis nonsense. "This is not a toast, supper, ceilidh, flag-wave, nationalist jump or Scottish jukebox selection," say the organisers, "but rather a celebration in a way that we see fit." Burns would undoubtedly approve.

€¢ The Brut Burns Party, tomorrow, The Berkeley Suite, 11pm - 3am, free before 12am, £3 after

Night Moves

22/01/15

Nice N Sleazy

Over the next few nights, at Sauchiehall Street's evergreen indie mecca Nice N Sleazy, you can: take an electronic workout with Hausdimension, freak out at next-level disco party Shoot Your Shot, get nice and tender at its legendary acoustic open mic, wet yourself laughing to some unintentionally hilarious B-movie at The Incredibly Strange Film Night, lose yourself in a weird electronic dimension with Unicorn Chaser, and dance holes in your shoes at So Weit So Gut.

It's a dazzlingly diverse lineup here, and all of that is not to mention its prime attraction: sitting upstairs, getting absolutely stuffed full of incredible food and knocking back copious numbers of white russians with the best jukebox in the world.

When one venue offers so much and asks for so little in return (only that you don't fall asleep in the corner, as I found out to my detriment not so long ago), how could it be conceivable to go anywhere else?

My love for Sleazy's runs deep: it is the place that, when all my old mates who have moved away come back to visit, we instinctively know we're going.

The crowd is younger these days, but it still manages to be cooler than everywhere else, and the music policy can swing from '50s rockabilly to ear-crushing electro-whatever and then back to Belle and Sebastian - all over the course of 10 minutes.

In its pokey, sweatbox basement and godawful toilets there is true dive bar spirit - and for that reason it is unique. Viva Sleazy's.

Nice N Sleazy

Q: The General Election is boring us already. If you could choose a new Prime Minister tomorrow, who would it be?

1. Rory Doherty, 23, Hamilton, Stephen Fry

Fiona Cunning, 22, East Kilbride, Malcolm Tucker

2. Ross Beagan, 25, Glasgow, Alan Partridge

Bethan Webster, 21, Aberdeenshire, Russell Brand

3. Claire Campbell, 18, Bearsden, Russell Brand

Ellis Hartley, 18, Bearsden, James Franco

4. Sarah Canning, 18, Torrance

Favourite Club? Saint Judes

Favourite Bar? Driftwood

Favourite DJ? Ales

Favourite Band? Radiohead

What you drinking? Vodka

First Club? The Garage

Describe Your Dancing? Just like Beyonce

5. Jason Courtney, 29, Utah, myself

Thomas McKeever, 19, Utah, (points at Jason)

6. Lewis Malcolm, 18, Gartcosh, Morrissey

Caitlin Borland, 20, Stepps, RuPaul

7. Niall Gillon, 21, Cumbernauld, Cher. Or Kylie, if Cher isn't available.