WHEN you see the faces of today's wannabe stars drip with tears, their mouths declaring 'I'll die if I don't win this contest', you know it's meaningless nonsense.

You know in a few months' time they'll be back working on the check-out and the showbiz dream will be forgotten.

However, Fascinating Aida star Dillie Keane not only declared she would die if she couldn't become a performer, she set out make it happen.

The teenage Dillie was so desperate to entertain she swallowed enough pills to make the end very likely.

"I didn't know what else to do with myself," she says of her time at a very posh Catholic public school where young girls were expected to grow up, marry rich men and have lots of babies.

Dillie, however, had other ideas.

A huge musical talent, with a great gift for writing clever, witty lyrics, she wanted a career along the lines of Noel Coward's, or Peter Ustinov's.

Her immediate aim to was to attend university in Dublin and study music.

But the school, and her parents, deemed she would go to secretarial college, and marry 'a nice young man.'

"I said: 'But I'm never going to marry; I'm never going to have children'."

No one listened. So Dillie decided to make them listen. Or die in the attempt. Being a doctor's daughter she knew a mixture of aspirin and iron tablets could be fatal.

But she also made the point to tell a friend what she had done. Rushed to hospital, her parents were distraught.

"That day my life started to change," she reflects.

"I realised I could do what I wanted; it made me incredibly focused. An overdose gives you a little bit of leverage, and that's what I needed.

"I said to my parents, 'I cannot fulfil this plan you have for me. If I do, I will die. I burn to perform."

Dillie went on to study in Dublin and became a performer, burning brightly now for over 30 years with her Fascinating Aida troupe.

The three-women act began performing in a West End wine bar, singing sharp, satirical songs, the act was described as 'Absolutely Fabulous meets Noël Coward, as sung by the Andrew Sisters'.

Fame beckoned in the form of radio and TV appearance, albums and countless theatre tours.

However, Dillie smiles as she explains why she's given up on the group several times over the years.

"I get disheartened with the new sopranos," she says of the singers.

"They leave and I have to replace them, and it takes time for them to settle in. And so it goes. And at times, I've given up on it."

But when the regeneration works...

"I suppose so," she concedes, grinning. "And I am pleased with the line-up at the moment. Lisa (Anderson) and Adele (Pulman) are great.

"And I'm enjoying it more than I have done for years."

Is that because politics is more polarised, there's more to poke fun at?

"No, the politics have always been there. It's because we're well-managed and well produced - and we've got the same soprano."

She adds, grinning: "It's so important not to have a sulky soprano who doesn't want to do re-writes, because that's painful."

The alchemy of the trio is key, which allows for clever satire to emerge. But what of Scottish independence? What line will she take?

"We're begging you not to go," she maintains.

"The Conservatives are operating this double bluff because they know if Scotland goes they will be in government for ever. And I do think we're stronger together. Plus, Scotland will find it hard financially to make things work."

Dillie takes three months off a year to stay home at her farm in Oxfordshire, where she lives with her partner, and then takes to the road.

"When I'm home I make chutney. And when I'm away the partner keeps a picture on the fridge so he can remember what I look like.

"But that's okay. I love travelling around the country, although the days of drinking myself and everybody else under the table are gone.

"Nowadays, my excitement comes from watching Homes Under The Hammer and Wanted Down Under. I'm a great deal more boring than I used to be."

She adds; "I love Glasgow. It's testing, but without being Liverpool. Liverpool has this 'We're funnier than you, which isn't really true. Glasgow gives you a chance."

Dillie is a woman of many parts, writer, having written a column in The Stage magazine for ten years, and two books, The Joy of Sequins, and Fascinating Who?

And she's appeared in a range of dramatic and comedy plays, and musical theatre, such as Me And My Girl. "Fascinating Aida has hijacked what could have been a respectable acting career.

"But then people tell me the show should be available on the NHS, and that really cheers me up."

Anyone in doubt show go on to YouTube and watch the group's RyanAir spoof Cheap Flights. It's pointed and biting. But Dillie admits her left wing stance has waned.

"As I've gotten older I'm a little more vague politically, and of course we've had the great betrayal of socialism."

The idealism may have weakened, but not her performance drive. She can't imagine how life would have turned out had she not been allowed to take to the stage.

"My parents came round," she says, "but I think having this rather foul daughter with a strange knack for knocking out tunes and performing was very bewildering for them."

l Fascinating Aida, Charm Offensive, the King's Theatre, Thursday and Friday. Call 0844 871 7627 for further ticket information.