When it comes to TOWIE I feel a bit like Michael Corleone in The Godfather Part III, "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in."

I vow I am not going to watch it, then ITV flashes a sparkly advert in front of my eyes - and 14 series later I am still here every Sunday and Wednesday without fail.

From sunny Tenerife in the opening scenes we are 'treated' to the sight of Bobby Norris leaving little to the imagination in his 'willykini' - why does he think this will ever take off?

Will any man ever want to wear this on a beach? I order you to Google this 'swimwear' - a term I use loosely - to see for yourself. And this Google search comes with a warning.

After getting over the shock of Bobby's bits, I'm hooked in on the fact there is beef in Tenerife. They just like to make cockney rhyming slang out of Spanish locations, don't they?

Looks like I should stop using no carbs before Marbs then because that is so 2012 - I know, my addiction has got so bad I even speak like these people with a Scottish accent, of course.

The beef is between Danielle Armstrong and Ferne McCann - and it's got so bad there has been an unfollowing on Twitter - oh my!

You know it's all going to kick off then especially since Lydia Bright decide to put the boot in when she overhears Danielle talking about Fearne.

There is a few arguments about the beef in Tenerife - and half way in I'm asking myself why did they fall out again?

Meanwhile, back in Essex, we are introduced to some new talent in the form of Dan E. C'mon girls I know most of us only watch this show for the good looking geezers. I'm intrigued already - what's his story? Let's hope series 14 has more of him.

Tonight's opening episode, however, is mainly focused on TOWIE's Romeo and Juliet, Chloe Simms and Elliot Wright.

The on and off pair are actually off again - and seem to be arguing about the fact they are each seeing other people. Isn't that what happens when people break up or did I miss something?

In the club, there is drama on the dancefloor between the former lovers - with Vas playing referee.

Chloe starts screaming, shouting and I am hooked. I love the 'drama'. I love an Essex meltdown, so much more glamorous than my own.

And for that reason, the addiction is back. I need to know if Chloe and Elliot will get back together? Will Danielle and Ferne make-up? And will Dan E snap up one of the single girls like Jess Wright? If he does, I will be well jel.

Catch TOWIE on ITVBe on Sundays and Wednesdays at 10pm, and here is series 14 trailer -