Well obviously I'm getting older, but I mean Mrs Mangle from Neighbours circa 1987 old.
I would usually consider myself quite a laid-back person and a bit of a party girl who, until recently, hadn't seen Saturday or Sunday morning in years as a result of clubbing until 4am and sleeping until at least 2pm the next day.
But there has been a big change recently due to the most stupid decision I've ever made – to give up alcohol for Lent.
Today is day 23 on that particular wagon and I can honestly say I've never been more bored or miserable in my entire life.
And don't forget, I worked with Peter Waterman for three months!
You see, I love going out with my friends but trying to have a conversation with people on a Saturday night in a bar when you've been drinking water all evening is really difficult and it's very hard to stay focused because, let me tell you, drunk people repeat themselves a lot and if they're really steaming they will spit or pour their drink over you while they tell you that story again for the fourth time.
Lucky me, eh?
In the end I just give up and go home and wait to hear all the funny stories in the morning about all the amazing stuff that happened after I left.
So back to those mythical weekend mornings where I've heard people get up to have healthy breakfasts, go for a run, meet friends for coffee and then take their new sports cars to get washed, and all before Midday.
My experience of a Saturday morning wasn't quite as Beverly Hills as that.
It turns out that I live in a close full of party people, so there is never any sign of life in my building before the clock strikes 12.
I know this because last Saturday morning around about 10am my buzzer went off in my flat.
I was in the kitchen and assumed it was the postman.
Instead, it was a woman asking if I could let her in to deliver leaflets.
I very politely informed her that there was a huge sign on the main door – right in front of her in fact – stating we did not want any leaflets.
She told me that these weren't any ordinary leaflets, these were special and must be delivered.
So I'm standing there in my Minnie Mouse onesie thinking: "Oh dear, I'm talking to a lunatic."
I asked her what was so special about them and she told me they were invites to a memorial service to celebrate the life of someone I know who'd died. At this point I screamed: "Oh my goodness, who has passed away?"
My heart was racing at 100mph thinking who it might have been when she replied: "Jesus Christ, son of God. He died and we want to hold a memorial service for him and talk to you about banishing all evil from your sin-filled world."
Well I can't repeat the exact conversation that followed but let's just say she got the 'no leaflets please' message loud and clear and that I was on quite good terms with the big man, having been alcohol-free for nearly three weeks and thus without sin.
So there you go. No good can come from giving up alcohol and being alert and sober on a Saturday morning.
Next year I'm going to give up cauliflower. Oh, how will I cope?
:: The Glasgow St Patrick's Day Festival kicked off this week in the city and runs until March 17.
There are loads of great events happening throughout this time for all ages and I will be performing on the main stage in the Merchant City Square on Saturday, March 16.
For more information make sure you check out the website at www.glasgowstpatricksfestival.com
