Graeme Kelling of Deacon Blue with his son Alexander who was born shortly before Graeme was diagnosed with cancer Julie Kelling Deacon Blue in their early days advertisement

IT'S almost three years since Deacon Blue guitarist Graeme Kelling lost his battle with cancer. Graeme spent his final days in the Marie Curie hospice at Stobhill.

Here, Graeme's widow Julie, tells BARRY McDONALD why she's backing our Big Build campaign.

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Three years ago, the Scottish music scene was dealt a body blow when Deacon Blue guitarist Graeme Kelling lost his battle with cancer.

While music fans may have felt the loss of the much-loved musician who played on hits such as Dignity and Chocolate Girl, the Kelling family felt a more profound loss - the loss of a husband and father.

Graeme's wife Julie, a TV producer, is backing the Big Build - our campaign to build a new Marie Curie hospice for Glasgow.

Graeme, who died aged 47, became ill in August 1999 while the couple were on holiday.

What Graeme assumed was a nasty bout of food poisoning turned out to be a nightmare when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

"If you're going to get cancer," says Julie, 38, "it's one of the worst you can get. Not many people survive pancreatic cancer and, if they do, they don't survive very long.

"Unlike other cancers, like breast cancer, there are no support groups to talk to," says Julie. "With pancreatic cancer, you just get it and die."

The news came at a time when Julie and Graeme should have been at their happiest. Their first child, Alexander, had just turned one year old.

The first step on Graeme's arduous treatment began when he had an operation to remove a large section of the pancreas, gallbladder and part of the lower stomach and lower bowel.

Despite catching the MRSA bug while in recovery, Graeme fought back from the op and, a year later, was in remission.

The news was a huge relief to Julie. "They told us there was no cancer left so we carried on with the rest of our lives," she says. "But we were also told there was a 50-50 chance the cancer would come back."

Things were looking up for the family, and there was more good news when Julie become pregnant with the couple's second child, daughter Grace.

"Graeme was in remission for about a year but he was never 100%," says Julie.

"Grace was born in December 2001 and the cancer came back in April 2002. The 24th of April.

"It's funny how you remember those dates."

The prognosis was poor.

Doctors gave Graeme four months to live.

The biggest hurdle was the pain and, with it, an immense amount of pain relief. It was an ongoing battle, says Julie, just to make Graeme comfortable.

"Bear in mind, at this point, we've got a toddler and a small baby and I was trying to work."

Graeme and Julie first encountered the Marie Curie Hospice in the spring of 2003, one year after his terminal prognosis. He spent three weeks at the hospice where he was helped with the unbearable pain he was experiencing.

Like many people, Graeme's impression of a hospice was not the most positive.

"When we were first told about the hospice Graeme's instinct was I don't want to go there to die'. But at least there they were trying to make him as comfortable as possible."

It was almost a year later, in March 2004, when Graeme returned to the hospice. His health had deteriorated badly.

"He was in so much pain we couldn't deal with it at home. He was anxious because he wanted to die at home but the hospice became the next best thing.

"I'm really glad that, in the end, that's where he did die. It was less traumatic for the children and it isn't a horrible place. As much as people are there to die, it's not a scary place. To be honest, I couldn't have done without it."

The hospice staff often went beyond the call of duty especially in their efforts to make the children feel relaxed.

Four days before Graeme died, Alexander and Grace, then five and two, brought in a picnic which they ate sitting at the bottom of their dad's bed. It was one of the last times the family would spend together.

"You were never made to feel that visitors were a burden," says Julie. "Ricky Ross came to see me the night before Graeme died. It was quite late, and he had some photographs he wanted to show Graeme. He sat with me until midnight. Nobody came and said you've got to go'."

A few days before he passed away, Graeme became aware he was running out of time.

"He phoned me on the Monday to tell me that he felt particularly unwell and he didn't think he had very long.

"He never complained about being ill. He used to complain when he had a cold, years before, but when he got cancer he never moaned about it.

"All he was concerned about was whether the kids, me and his mum were alright."

For the final few days Julie was Graeme's constant bedside companion at the hospice.

In the early hours of Thursday, June 10, nurses woke Julie with the news that Graeme's breathing had changed.

She just had time to phone his parents, sister and best friend, who made it to his bedside. Alexander and Grace also made it in time to say goodbye.

"Graeme seemed to be aware the children had arrived," says Julie. "By this point he was struggling to breath and could not talk very much. I told him the children had arrived and he died within a few minutes.

"It was great for the kids because they could go in and kiss daddy goodbye, he didn't just disappear overnight. I was able to explain to them that the cancer had his body but his spirit was somewhere else.

"Grace didn't understand. She just gave her daddy a kiss goodbye and that was it. Alexander understood but I think he cried because everybody else did. He cried because his uncle cried and he saw his mum upset."

Despite their tragic loss, Julie believes the kind-hearted staff helped them cope.

"It's a scary thing for people who are dying and it's a scary thing for their families. I'd never been with anyone who died before but the hospice make it the best it can be."

Julie is now on the committee for the hospice's Daffodil Ball and the family sponsor a nurses' table at the annual event, so staff can enjoy the night.

"It's good to do something in Graeme's name," she says.

How to help

Support The Big Build and help bring Europe's most modern hospice to Glasgow.

n Send a cheque, with your name and address to: The Big Build Evening Times, Marie Curie Cancer Care, FREEPOST, Admail ADM4018, Glasgow, G1 2ZY. Please make cheques payable to Marie Curie Cancer Care.

Call us on 0141 531 1383

Donate online on the link below

Or call in to your local Marie Curie Cancer Care shop

To find out how you can get involved with The Big Build call 0141 531 1383 or simply text the word BRICK to 84862 (Texts are charged at provider's standard rate) For terms and conditions please visit www.mariecurie.org.uk/mobileterms