'WHY can I hear the sound off a ‘cawfee’ machine?” Toots yelled as I called her to let her know I was running late.

“Eh...” I stumbled and instantly I was rumbled. “Where are you? Tell me now,” her Ladyship demanded.

It was time to hold my hands up. “I am out with a client, we are having brunch in this joint Tribeca,” I admitted sheepishly, while waving a white flag.

“How dare you? What about me? This isn’t on...”

I moved the phone away from my ear while she ranted. As she drew breath I piped in, “Don’t worry dollface. I will take you, we can try dinner.”

Suddenly Toots had no more to say. She had gotten her way (again) and we were heading to Tribeca for a spot of dinner the next night.

I decided, however, to take her to the newest diner of the chain in Glasgow’s Merchant City. After all, I have to reserve some places for my favourite clients.

“I thought it was in the West End,” Toots inquired while filing her nails as I drove.

“Yes it is but I am taking you to their new one,” I chirped.

We arrived at the Merchant City branch which Tribeca is calling ‘Metro’ and the place was quiet. The waitress directed us upstairs to the mezzanine area and handed us a menu. The diner was gorgeous, and had an American feel which fitted in perfectly with its New York-inspired name.

We browsed the list and instantly I encouraged Toots

to try Tribeca’s famous snow blizzard milkshake. “They are amazing,” I said.

“And how would you know?” was Blondie's icy blast back.

But before we could get a chance to discuss about how I had been to a diner without her, the waitress magically appeared.

“Are you ready to order?” she said unenthusiastically. Tec knows a good server when he sees one, and this girl screamed "I don’t want to work here" the instant she came over.

“Yes we are,” I said in a happy tone, hoping she would cheer up.

We both ordered up peanut butter and mint Oreo snow blizzards. I choose the macaroni cheese with bacon, which comes with garlic bread but I asked for some house fries too.

Toots went for the Southwestern Quesadillas and she asked for poutine without meat.

The waitress appeared again minutes later, “We have no house fries," she looked at me.

“Okay, well what do you have?” I needed info.

“Fries,” came the terse reply. I agreed. Any fried potato is a good potato in my book.

She then told Toots there were no beans for the Quesadillas. “What does that mean?" Toots inquired. "What should I do?”

The waitress said she would ask the chef before disappearing and coming back with “you can have more chicken or salad”.

Toots agreed but then changed her mind, opting for the Harlem chicken and waffle instead.

We started with our milkshakes which weren’t the way I remembered them. They were more milky than ice-creamy – and Toots just wasn’t impressed.

The poutine arrived and was just too much like bland chips and gravy. Toots’ struggled with her Harlem chicken but it was dry and she left most of it.

My meal was no great shakes either. The garlic bread was over-cooked and lacked seasoning, while I have made better fries from my own freezer.

The macaroni cheese and bacon didn’t complement each other and the flavours became hard work after a while.

Toots was not happy and I needed a plan to perk her up. “Let’s just have some booze instead of dessert,” I suggested.

We ordered two more drinks and as our male waiter came to pick up the plates, which were piled with rejected food, he jibed: “Are you the type of people who just come out to eat to look at food.”

His wisecrack didn’t go down well. As we left, Toots apologised and said: “I was wrong hun, you can keep your Tribeca for clients.”

Tribeca Bar and Grill, 51 Bell Street, Glasgow, G1 1NX. Telephone: 0141 552 5436

Food: *

Atmosphere: **

Service: *

The menu:

Crispy fries £2.45

Harlem chicken and waffle £11.95

Poutine £4.95

Macaroni and cheese £8.95

add bacon £1

Snow blizzard £4.50x2

Vodka and diet coke £4

Gin and tonic £4

Total: £46.30