Hallo, my little chickadee,” I said as Toots opened the door of her flat in the glimmering red sandstone that is Dennistoun.

“What are you up to, Tec?” she said, teetering to one side on her extravagant new heels.

She says they’re Ted Baker. “Are you sure? They look a bit TK Max to me, doll.”

“I’ll TK Max you! Next you’ll be saying my blouse is very ‘What Every’! This had better be good today or you’ll be in real trouble.”

“Oh it is very good, my dearest one. It is the perfect place to have a wedding,” I said.

“A whit!” she responded, her whole being suddenly heaving and leaning in to the frame of the door.

Her Harmony hair-sprayed beehive took upon a life of its own and she fair nearly took off with the speed of her fluttering eyelash extensions.

“It is perfect for a wedding. I’ve been on many a case that took me to the Garfield in Stepps. Always loved it. We should check it out for that something special, doll.”

“Makes you think,” she spluttered. Or perhaps it was: “Ah need a drink!”

And so to the Garfield Hotel.

What a lovely lassie on reception. A smashing wee smile just flicked in our direction. Effortless and splendid.

“Welcome, madam, sir,” she offered.

“Many thanks, doll. We’re here for to have a wee gander and enjoy some fine food,” I proffered.

The menu is a delight at any time of the day or evening. We’d dropped in at lunchtime as the sun cascaded on the Campsies in the background.

“I know you like your mussels, my dearest one,” I said to Toots.

“Ocht! The way you said that, Tec! I’m fair blushing,” she said as one of her heels snagged in the turn-up of my John Collier breeks.

“Be careful,” I said. “You don’t want to tear my trousers purchased from the window to watch.”

“Sorry Tec! I’m just excited! I will have the mussels then. Oh! Me and mussels! And then I’ll go for the wee laddie chicken.”

“That’ll be the roulade of chicken, my precious. An excellent choice. I’ll have the scallops and Stornoway black pudding…”

“Oh, make your way!” sang, yes, sang the Moll!

“Shh, dear. You don’t want to draw too much attention to yourself,” I suggested.

I almost added “at your age” but thought better of it. For my main, I selected the slow-cooked Moroccan lamb tagine with minted cous cous and a splendid cucumber and yoghurt dressing.

It more than met my expectations. The slow-cooked lamb parted perfectly and melted in my mouth.

It had taste that glowed around my mouth as the spices gently tickled the back of my throat.

The dressing was a perfect complement and brought that most-pleasing of chills.

“You’re enjoying that,” mused Toots.

Indeed I was – as she too tucked in to the tasty roulade of chicken. It was joyfully tender, beautifully-cooked and was bathed generously with vegetables.

Earlier, she had savoured the juicy, plump mussels; in much the same way I had on the scallops – perfectly seared and served – and that luscious, crumbly, black pudding.

We were asked if all was well with our lunch. “”Oh yes, most certainly, all is very well, thanks,” we both said.

Next thing I knew Toots had her diary out. “Wedding dates, hmmm," she mumbled.

For whom?” I said, foolishly, as I was to soon understand.

“You said you wanted to take me to the Garfield because it was perfect for our wedding and here we are and you haven’t mentioned it once!”

“Toots. You’re on the wrong case there. I said it is a perfect place for a wedding, but at no time, no stage, no way did I suggest it would be for us.

“We are perfectly happy as we are, my dear. We don’t need to come here to get married when we can come here to enjoy fine dining among great people.”

“Ah need a drink!” she said.

And she really did say it that time.

The Garfield House Hotel

Cumbernauld Road, Stepps, Glasgow G33 6HW

Tel: 0141 779 2111

Starters

Steamed Scottish Mussels in Thai coconut broth £5.95

Seared Scottish scallops with Stornoway black pudding £7.95

Mains

Roulade of chicken £12.95

Moroccan tagine £13.95

Drinks

French Chardonnay £21.95

Total: £62.75

Atmosphere – 4 stars

Food – 4 stars

Service – 4 stars