JUNK mail was easy to deal with: a razor blade to slice the flap open and a few minutes to refold and swap the contents to ensure the sender's address appeared in the window.

JUNK mail was easy to deal with: a razor blade to slice the flap open and a few minutes to refold and swap the contents to ensure the sender's address appeared in the window.

Popping them back into the nearest postbox triggered a deeply, malicious smile at the thought of all those credit card, loan, insurance and double-glazing firms getting one another's mail.

Hitting back at spam e-mailers is, sadly, less worthwhile since retaliation only clogs up the system even more.

Of late, however, I have declared war on telephone cold callers; like the holiday firm who called to say I had won a great competition for a free break that, when I totalled up the extras (small details like air fares and food) was going to cost well into four figures - before I bought the timeshare!

Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to stall and ask that they call me back after I had passed the great news to my wife.

A quick internet check on the company showed just how unscrupulous they were, so when the young lady called me back, I asked about the various complaints and censures levelled against the firm.

The click from the other end was satisfying.

Another useful trick is to let the marketeer go through their speil until they reach the security questions': you know, can you give your date of birth, address, postcode, blood group, inside leg measurement.

My stock answer nowadays is: How do I know you are who you say you are? If you have all my details in front of you, read them off and I'll confirm them.' The reply usually begins: Data protection rules' at which point the caller will hear, I hope, a loud and positive click through their headset.

But the worst of all calls are silent: around 1.5million a year.

I am not easily scared; the house phone is ex-directory and caller display usually reveals the dreaded 0845 prefix.

For the elderly, infirm or just plain paranoid there can be few things worse than picking up the phone to . . . silence.

Is it a heavy-breather, a vile and malicious caller or, most likely, a computer auto-dialling random numbers in the hope of getting an answer.

Robo-calls are menacing intrusions.

But if OfCom won't ban them, inventors Steve Smith and John Price could have the answer.

They have come up with a little gadget which recognises trusted telephone numbers and fires an automated message back at the junk callers - a bargain at under a hundred quid a pop.

Even better, if a number isn't on the so-called zap list' their gadget, TrueCall, asks the caller who they are, puts them on hold and rings the user's phone to give them the chance to accept or reject the call.

Brilliant - especially since it's all at the nuisance's expense.

Still, it'll be a shame to wipe the answering machine message guaranteed to sicken even the most foul-mouth, malicious pervert or determined cold-caller.

An earful of Maggie Thatcher? The ultimate deterrent.