I HAVE always had feelings since I was young that the way I look doesn’t match my inner self. I felt different but as a child you don’t understand what all these labels mean. It was only as I got older and learned what transgender is that it all made sense.
It was last November that I first went to see my doctor. It felt like the more I was trying to hide it, the more sad, depressed and anxious I was becoming. That was when I started the journey to becoming the real me.
I have been referred to the Gender Identity Clinic in Edinburgh but my first appointment won’t be for another 10 months. That means I can’t start hormones, treatment or voice therapy until a year from now. Having to wait is difficult.
I used alcohol as a way to hide from the truth. I was angry a lot too. Now I don’t drink at all and I don’t get angry or have that bad attitude. I’m more open and understanding. I’m a far nicer person not having to keep this secret. I feel I can be myself.
A lot of people are confused about what transgender means. A transgender person is someone who doesn’t identify with the gender they were given at birth. Their physical body doesn’t match their inner self.
I’m a volunteer with the Scottish Transgender Alliance, Scottish Borders LGBT Equality and the TIE Campaign. People often look at us as freak shows, drag queens or view transgender as being a fetish. I want to show we are normal people, who go to work and lead simple lives.
The use of pronouns is important. I’m still in the early stages of transition so a lot of people call me “he”. My dad calls me “son” and refers to me as male. That is just 20 years of habit. My parents are 100 per cent behind me. I do get annoyed and upset, though, when strangers use the wrong pronouns because it shows I’m not as blended-in as a woman as I would like.
Having high-profile transgender people such as Caitlyn Jenner, Laverne Cox and Kellie Maloney is a positive thing, but it gives a false understanding. All of those people have the money, access to facilities and contacts to make themselves who they are quicker. It doesn’t show the reality of what many transgender people go through.
Being the winner of the Scottish heats of Miss Transgender United last month was a dream come true. I have always wanted to enter pageants but was denied due to the gender I was born. I reached the final of Miss Earth and was due to take part in Miss International UK but when I said I was transgender I was told I needed to have been born female to compete.
I would love for pageants to be more open for girls like me. It is about equality. Miss Universe – which is owned by Donald Trump – has changed the rules to allow transgender women to enter.
It is a slow process. The transgender community is where the gay community was about 10 or 15 years ago. We want to catch up to that and enjoy the same rights that gay and lesbian people have today.
The Miss Transgender United Final is in London on Sunday, September 27. Visit misstransgenderuk.com