10 annoying Facebook statuses you'll definitely see this Christmas

You may intend it as a vehicle for amusing cat videos or keeping track of far-flung friends, but we'll bet every day you log on you see at least one post that ticks you off. 

From the irritation of someone you didn't even really like in high school posting sickeningly beautiful shots of their holiday in Asia, to the frankly enraging vagueness of posts such as "You just can't count on some people. So upset right now.", social media can be a minefield of narcissism and boasting. 

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When you factor in the Christmas season however, the urge to demonstrate a complete lack of photography skills via a poorly-lit goblet of mulled wine, or similarly heinous social media sins seems to become uncontrollable for many. 

We've gathered a few statuses we'd bet our Christmas stocking on you seeing this winter. 

1. BLESSED!

Whilst the Church teaches the birth of Jesus Christ was a blessing to all mankind, there's one banal benediction we could do without this December - the pervasive #Blessed status updates. Typically used to disguise outright bragging about how awesome somebody's latest material possession/relationship/life in general is, expect it as a caption excusing showing off new gifts come the 25th, or accompanying group photos attending Christmas parties. Which brings us on to our next point...

2. Look how many friends I have!

Everyone loves seeing photos of themselves with their pals having a good time at the office Christmas party or hitting George Square's ice rink.  it's great to have that memory online to enjoy and share communally. But when that vacuous philosophy student you met at your mate's flat party that one time does it, well THEN there is a great wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Clearly this isn't a pure-of-heart celebration of camaraderie like your posts, but just a thinly-veiled way of showing off how popular they are. I mean just look at the caption "Loving life with my Christmas girls", and how artificial the photo is. They're ALL smiling! Nobody actually does that in real life. 

3. Christmas tree photos/It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas 

Another thing nobody does in real life is put up their Christmas decorations, round up their pals and drag them over to have a gander. But thanks to Facebook, we now have to put up with a veritable forest of plastic pines populating our timeline in the weeks leading up to the big day. Once you've seen one evergreen, real or otherwise, garlanded in tinsel and lights, you've seen them all.

We will however grant absolution to anyone who accompanies their photo with an explanation of how the Christmas tree and its accompanying finery is an interesting mishmash of Christian and pagan symbolism. Because knowledge is power. 

4. Jesus was just a man, and he wasn't even born in December

Look down your Facebook friends list and we're sure you'll easily identify that guy who always posts content railing against religion of any kind. Ironically he looks forward to Christmas as much as the faithful, practically rubbing his hands in glee at the prospect of debunking the Immaculate Conception on the Christ Child's birthday.

Side note; this social media militant is the lesser-spotted cousin of that other timeline scourge, the political poster. Chances are good that if you live in Scotland you have at least two of these on your Facebook, one independence flavoured, the other a unionist champion. 

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5. Bah Humbug! 

That individual on your timeline Dickens would have dismissed from A Christmas Carol for being too grumpy, expect posts about how commercialised Christmas has got. "What does spending too much money on socks and bath salts have to do with a religious festival?". 

We suggest commenting on such social media Scrooges' posts with pictures of kittens in Santa hats. 

 6. Halloween was just last week, why am I seeing Christmas decorations and adverts already?

Closely related to the above, we have to confess a small part of us agrees with posts like this. It does seem like as soon as the plastic bats come down, retailers' jingle bells ring out.

Note that our American cousins are largely immune to this thanks to the buffer zone of Thanksgiving. One more thing for them to be grateful for. 

7. Just X more sleeps to Christmas!

Potentially such information would be vital in a world without calendars. What kind of world would have Facebook, the internet and the electronic device necessary to make such a valuable contribution to the social media zeitgest, yet not have invented a method of tracking days of the year we're not sure, but it's probably one in which those who make such inane posts are lauded as prophets. We shudder at the prospect. 

8. LOOK AT MY DINNER! 

Have you been living under a rock all your life subsisting on a diet of bugs, rainwater and tree bark? Have you always wondered what a turkey dinner looks like? Then tune in to Facebook at Christmas for a veritable deluge of photos of basted birds, almost certainly hashtagged as #FoodPorn.

In the eventuality that you're not a wild man of the forest however, you may be tempted to tell such unoriginal posters to make like their meal and get stuffed.

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9. Boy done good or oh my God thanks so much to my amazing boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife for (insert Christmas present here) 

A variant on the 'blessed' hashtag, this saccharine proclamation is arguably even worse as chances are good you're spending time on Christmas day taking the photo, writing this vapid status and checking every five minutes for reaction while your significant other is physically in your presence, probably pretty peeved you won't get off your phone. 

10. Ready for the morning! 

Have friends with children? Then chances are good you are absolutely sick to the back teeth of looking at photos of said children taking first steps, being dressed in school uniforms or just generally squinting at the camera.

But Christmas unleashes something immeasurably more boring, snaps of the piles of presents said sprogs definitely don't need along with the words "Looks like Santa's been!!!!!"or the like.

As a tangentially-related general rule, never trust a post with multiple exclamation marks. One is often too many. 

Have we missed any? What Christmas social media faux pas annoy you? Comment below, or Tweet us @TheEveningTimes