“MARGARET still jokes that I’m her toyboy,” says James McGinty, glancing over at his wife who smiles at the mention of it.

The couple have built up more than two decades of memories, from the day they met while working together in a Glasgow office, to marriage eight years later.

But there is a sadness for James that every new experience they share is likely to be forgotten seconds later by Margaret, who suffers from dementia.

“Everything is momentary, so it’s a struggle to build any fresh memories,” he says.

“Margaret has become very child-like so I’ve gone from being partner, husband, lover to carer and while Margaret can still hold a conversation, she’s still very intelligent, it all happens in the moment. There is no recollection of it afterwards.”

Margaret was diagnosed with a combination of Alzheimer’s and Vascular Dementia four years ago, while the couple were living in Harwich, near Essex.

There was memory lapses and some “odd behaviour” and James says he faced a year long battle to persuade Margaret to go to the doctor.

Two years of memory tests and an MRI scan followed before the diagnosis they had feared was confirmed.

“It was absolutely awful because we were aware there was something wrong but Margaret was still highly functional," James says.

“There was always a hope that it was just a sign of ageing but there was also that nagging feeling.”

The couple moved back to Scotland because, according to James, there was little support for people struggling to cope with a new diagnosis of dementia where they lived.

James says that Margaret’s friends started avoiding her and the invitations to lunch dwindled. They became isolated and both experienced depression.

He says: “I said to the doctor, ‘We’ve got this diagnosis, what do we do now?’ and he said, ‘There’s really nothing.’

“Even the Alzheimer’s Society didn’t have a presence there.

“Both of us ended up incredibly depressed and eventually I gave up my job, we sold our house and moved back to Scotland.

“It was also to be close to Margaret’s son, Colin, who lives in Paisley and her two grandchildren who absolutely dote on her.

“They help out a lot.

“We found the local Alzheimer’s branch and they have been absolutely wonderful. We go to a thing called Singing Memories which Margaret absolutely loves.

“It really picks her up.

“The diagnosis has meant a complete role-reversal James, a former computer engineer who gave up his job to care for Margaret.

“Margaret is very old fashioned.” he says.

“She retired and I was still working. She became a home maker and she doted on me, she spoiled me.

“It sounds terribly smarmy but she’s an absolutely wonderful person.

“She’s the most kind and loving person that I’ve ever met.

“Most people would say that about their partner but Margaret just oozes love for people and because of that she did all the cooking and cleaning and that kind of stuff and that’s now reverted to me.

“I do absolutely everything. One of the things that goes, it’s not just the memory but the organisational abilities and rationalisation.

“It’s been very difficult.”

Margaret hasn’t suffered a huge decline, James says, but the future looms heavy.

“It’s a complete unknown. That’s the horrible thing about dementia. There is no prognosis.

“Everybody reacts differently.

“I think my biggest fear is that there are no circumstances that I can imagine of Margaret going into a home.

“But there is a part of me that knows, it might and I really fear that.

“The thought of caring for Margaret and she doesn’t recognise me anymore. That terrifies me

“Margaret is aware she has dementia, a lot of people are not.

“She gets massively frustrated and can get really depressed. It just distresses her and even when she picks up she remains feeling distressed but doesn’t know why.

“I tried very, very hard to be as caring and as mindful as I can be but sometimes if I have a slightly lapse, I might say something that upsets Margaret.

“She recovers very quickly but the feeling of upset remains.”

.While the health care and emotional supports offered to dementia sufferers in Scotland are good, James says, he would like to see the benefits system overhauled.

He says: “I gave up my job as a computer engineer to be a full-time carer Margaret.

“As part of that, instead of getting unemployment benefit, because Margaret is retired they put her on pension credit.

“And that means I have no personal income at all. I’m wholly dependant on Margaret’s pension, the pension allowance, the attendance allowance allowance and the carers allowance.

“It’s not enough to live on. Because I got pension credit, I had a private pension and it order to get pension credit I had to cash my pension in.

“God forbid, if Margaret were to pass away in the next four years before I hit retirement age, I would be destitute because I would have to revert to jobseekers allowance.

“I would also not have enough money for the flat we live in because it’s a two bedroomed flat.”

James say public attitudes to a condition that is expected to affect one in three of us could also be improved.

He says: “The general public are still very scared of dementia. It’s not a subject they want to talk about and consequently they have got a bit of an attitude towards people who struggle.

“Sometimes Margaret will strike up conversations with complete strangers and that scares them.

“If people understood why she was doing that, it’s not an issue.”

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article call Alzheimer Scotland’s 24 Hour Helpline on 0808 808 3000 or visit the website at www.alzscot.org

Reporters View

I DON’T have any direct experience of dementia, my grandparents succumbed to two of the other illnesses that devastate families, cancer and heart disease.

However, I have friends who are going through it now. It’s hard to imagine how it would feel to become a stranger to a loved one.

James McGinty, who is now caring for his wife Margaret, is aware that this may be what lies ahead for him and says the thought “terrifies him.”

As a reporter I relish the opportunity to be part of a campaign that aims to shine a light on a devastating condition and highlight the good work that is going on to support patients and families as well as raising awareness about any gaps in care.

While there isn’t a cure for dementia yet, experts say having the right support can really make the difference in helping people affected live a better life and that includes carers. James says he is“wholly dependent” on Margaret now, financially, because of the way the benefits system is set up and believes changes are needed.

He also hopes there will be a sea change in how the public perceives people with dementia, revealing how some of Margaret’s friends stopped calling after her diagnosis, which is something we all have a role to play in changing.