Doctors reveal the stupidest things they’ve had to explain to a patient

After all, when you have to explain to a man that the bumps on his chest are his nipples, how can you not be judging a tiny bit?

The doctors of Reddit have been busy revealing some of the more out-there questions they’ve been asked and it goes without saying that they’re entertaining.

lol u wot m8? (Martin Barraud/Getty Images)

Some are quite funny

That having sex gets you pregnant. It was a 20+ year old woman that couldn’t grasp the idea that sex leads to pregnancy. She thought that in order for a man and a woman to have children, they needed to be married first and then have a baby. That sex was just an act unrelated to it. – yosol

I’m not a doctor, I’m a nurse but today at work I asked a patient if she had any allergies and she told me she was allergic to cigarettes because they “make her cough” – morethan1problem

I prescribed a suppository for a patient. He came back claiming nothing had changed since he took them. His exact quote was: ‘I might as well have put them up my ass’ – wobble83

Nurse here. I explained to a patient (prison inmate) that if you toast white bread, it doesn’t become whole wheat, even though it is brown. – Relarela

Contraception was quite a common theme

(Designer491/Getty Images)

I am a nurse, had to tell a girl in my nursing class that a Nuva ring wasn’t meant to be worn on your wrist…. – Ash1989

Nurse here…. work at a VA clinic so all our patients have served in the military. A 27-year-old came in asking for a refill of her birth control (that she’s been on for over 10 years) as well as a consult to gynecology because she was afraid she’s infertile since she hasn’t ever been pregnant. So we had to explain that the purpose of birth control was is so she doesn’t get pregnant and she decided she didn’t need infertility testing. – YodaRoo

My gynecologist told me that one of her patients was trying to get pregnant so she prescribed her clomid to help her. Couple months later and she still wasn’t pregnant. My gyno asked her if her partner was fertile and she told her that she hadn’t been having sex. The lady thought the pills alone could impregnate her.. – mamanoodles

Animals have also caused some fun moments

(trgowanlock/Getty Images)

Veterinarian here. I had to amputate a dog’s leg as a last resort – the owner asked me how long it’d take to grow back. I had to explain that it wouldn’t.

Another owner was concerned about a large growth on her hamster – had to explain that the growth was actually the critter’s testicles.

Had to explain to another owner why feeding her horse sausages was making him ill, and to another couple why they couldn’t put their cat on a vegan diet. I’ve had to explain that one to a lot of owners. It’s getting ridiculous. – rubypiplily

That you need to inhale your asthma puffer, not spray it at the cat when you feel short of breath. – weretakingthehobbits

While others are a little more serious

cigarette">(Jonathan Brady/PA)

(Community health nurse here) Had to explain to a pregnant patient that smoking cigarettes to keep her baby’s weight down is in fact a not good method of ensuring a less difficult labor/delivery. – turqouisebuddha

Not a nurse but my sister is. This lady came in that had a newborn. The baby was having problems with it’s weight so my sister says it needs to get more calories and to feed it more(implying more milk,babyfood,etc.) Lady brings her baby back in who has stomach problems. My sister finds out the lady was giving the baby soda to sip on instead of milk because “it has more calories right?” – Weasel3332

Physical therapy student, I tried to explain to a guy how 1) you can’t smoke in a hospital and 2) if you were going to you shouldn’t do it while on oxygen because it is flammable. I came back the next day and he had burns across his face. – DunkTheLunk1

EMT here. I’ve had to explain to many people that if one of their buddies overdoses on heroine, the recommended treatment is not inserting ice cubes up the rectum to wake them up. Have had to tell that to multiple people. – WantSomeBetaBlockers