SPARKLY gold shoes? Check. Tutu? Check. Wand? Um, check.

Well, just another day at the office.

Wait, what's that I hear you cry? Oh no it isn't? You're quite right. Oh no it isn't.

Somehow - just like Snow White in the haunted forest or Gretel lost in the woods - I've wandered away from the safety of our Renfield Street headquarters and found myself in a fairy costume backstage at the Britannia Panopticon.

I think it's time now in our story for the narrator to give a bit of background information.

Once upon a time, at a desk not too far away, the phone rang. It was a spokeswoman for the world’s oldest surviving music hall and she had an idea.

"Fair reporter," she may or may not have begun, "How would you like to take part in a pantomime? We'll write you a special role and you can find out what it's like to be involved in a much-loved Christmas tradition."

The fair reporter paused for less than one second before shouting "Yes please!" to the alarm of all around her.

Listen, I've been waiting years for my moment in the spotlight and I'm not going to turn down an opportunity when it falls in my lap.

This year the Britannia Panopticon, an A-listed theatre on the Trongate, is 160 years old and supporters The Friends of Britannia Panopticon Music Hall Trust are trying to raise enough money as part of wider restoration works to have a heating system installed in the building.

And what better way to raise cash at Christmas than to put on a pantomime. Producer, writer and actor Grant F Kidd, who had success with last year's Aladdin, has been once again tasked with devising a show that will make people laugh, cry and part with their money.

Enter stage left Puss In Boots, a riotous tale set in the land of Panoptica, currently under threat from the evil Giant Blunderbore and his assistant the Demon Moonshade. Hero Tom has inherited his father's estate and must think of a way to protect it from the thieving hands of the giant.

Tom's cat holds the key to solving all of Panoptica's problems and gets to work while Tom is distracted by the beautiful Princess Felicia whose mother Queen Euphemia is determined to stop her daughter marrying a commoner.

While the boards of the Panopticon stage have been trod on by such illustrious feet as those of Stan Laurel, the venue is low-tech and so Grant has had to come up with alternative ways to give the audience a bit of wow factor during the pantomime. This means bright costumes and big performances.

Am I up to the task or will the paying guests fall asleep during my turn on the stage?

Before the first rehearsal I meet up with my new cast mates, 18-year-old Liliana Finucane, who plays Kitty, and Christopher Saynt, 25, who is the Big Buff Fairy.

Liliana has been performing for as long as she can remember and has recently put a law degree at Strathclyde University on hold while she pursues her acting dream. Christopher, who is Scotland's first openly gay wrestler, might be used to performing but this is his first time in a formal acting role.

He said: "I was on the audition panel and we just couldn't find the right person for the Big Buff Fairy role. I stupidly made a joke about doing it myself if we couldn't find anyone... and now here I am with a wand and wings."

Liliana, who doesn't just act but also has an incredible singing voice, added: "Grant is such a natural so I've been learning a lot from him but I'm still at that point where I question myself and worry about my performance.

"It has been a brilliant experience, rehearsing up this point and now I'm excited for opening night."

Grant, who has been labelled “one of Scotland’s finest panto dames”, performs as Auntie Effie. This year Auntie Effie is Queen Euphemia, a role that involves more frock changes than Rita Ora at the MTV Music Awards. As I watch her on stage I realise that there's one thing about panto - it has to be larger than life.

My role is more modest than that of Queen Euphemia but I want to make an impact and not let down the rest of my cast mates. I play the Boss Fairy and my role is to interrupt the Big Buff Fairy to inform him of some legislation changes from the Counsel of Fairies that will affect his work.

Opening night comes and I meet the rest of the seven-strong cast - also including Sally Starshine (Demon Moonshade), Stuart John Irvine (Harry), Princess Felicia (Beth McLeish) and Anthony Johansen (Tom) - backstage at the Panopticon. I'm excited to see my costume - and see if I can fit into it. Let's just say that once the corset has been laced up I have new found respect for Victorian ladies. No wonder they needed to carry smelling salts with them.

The bustle in the dressing room is slowly building with excitement as the cast have their make up done and transform into character among the rails of costumes packing the backstage area. The Big Buff Fairy gives me a pep talk before I concentrate on going over my lines. In such a small theatre we can hear the audience coming in and I feel surprisingly nervous.

The show goes on at 7pm and I'm vaguely aware that it's now 7pm and that the rest of the cast have vanished. I realise I'm not entirely sure at what point I make my entrance. "Someone will get me when it's time," I think to myself.

Suddenly Grant, who is putting the finishing touches to his fabulous Queen Euphemia costume, notices me and says: "You're meant to be on the stage." My next words are not fit for a family show and I bolt along the side of the audience, through the double doors to the side of the stage and launch myself upstairs into the wings just in time to stride on next to the Big Buff Fairy. Did I mention I was laced into a corset?

I can hardly catch my breath but the audience is staring at me and I realise this is it - no time to waste. I'll be honest, I milk it. In rehearsal I said the lines and scarpered back off again. In the spotlight, I string it out as long as possible.

But I don't want to overstay my welcome and suddenly it's all over. I get to sit and watch the show while the rest of my temporary cast mates give it their all for the next two hours.

Afterwards Grant holds a debrief with his cast, which they take very seriously - listening to feedback and working out how the next show can be better.

As for me, "Would you have me back?"

"Oh yes I would," Grant says. And he really seems to mean it.

Puss In Boots runs on various dates at the Britannia Panopticon until Saturday, December 23 with a special adults only performance on December 15.

For tickets see www.tickets-scotland.com/events.html?event_searchtext=panopticon&event_method=search

To support the music hall see www.britanniapanopticon.org