WHEN Glasgow army veteran Joe's friend was killed in an explosion during the Troubles in Northern Ireland, the image haunted him for nearly 40 years.

Joe, 54, was just a teenager when he was told his pal had been blown up in a roadside bomb blast.

Joe, now a grandfather who lives in the East End, has asked not to be identified because he is still coming to terms with the chronic post traumatic stress disorder he was eventually diagnosed with.

But he wanted to share his story to help other soldiers, and ex-service men and women, who may experience mental health problems after being in war zones, such as Afghanistan, Iraq, Northern Ireland or the Falklands.

Joe joined the army a month before his 18th birthday in 1978, and was drafted to conflict-torn Northern Ireland to supp-ort the bomb disposal unit.

"It was quite a safe job as well," he said. "When I was going out to incidents there was always a cordon."

But he said the danger "became reality" when, a month later, he joined the rest of the company.

He said: "It was just you out there yourself, part of a patrol. You're open to the elements of terrorism. It was quite daunting."

Soon after, Joe realised tragedy was not uncommon for the soldiers.

Another 18-year-old Scot from the North East, who Joe met when they were being trained and had stuck up for when he was being bullied, was killed in a brutal bombing attack.

A photo of his lifeless body was posted at the base to show the soldiers what could happen to them - but it is this image which changed Joe's life forever.

He said: "It was July 19 and that day, that time at 1pm stayed with me.

"When I heard about it I went to the toilet and cried and knew I couldn't tell anybody. You're supposed to be a soldier. But it's just lived with me since then."

Joe did another tour of the country in 1980 as well as a tour of Canada, and left the army in the 1980s.

He had suppressed the pain although he always thought about the fallen soldier. It came back to haunt him in the early 90s.

He said: "I managed to forget about it but then the Gulf War started.

"The first guy from the Black Watch was killed - as soon as I heard he was killed in an explosion, everything just came flooding back again."

It got worse as he remembered and he started drinking heavily.

He said: "When these guys started getting blown up, my drinking got worse,

"I was aggressive to my family, never to the extent I was violent. I would punch a hole in the wall if I was feeling violent."

Joe, who has been married for 33 years, took several jobs, including in security and the construc-tion industry, after the army, but he was abusing alcohol and almost drank himself to death on occasions.

He said: "I was drinking anything - whisky, lager. I used to drink so much I'd come home and be hyper-ventilating. It was scary stuff for my wife and boys."

A week before Christmas last year, after spending hours in the pub, Joe tried to kill himself.

He said his wife had come to look for him and was shouting his name. "I just shut her off and that was it. I crossed the road and was heading for the railway.

"I was found there unconscious in the rain."

When Joe woke up in the back of ambulance, he had been shouting his dead friend's name.

With help from his wife and family, Joe began getting support from services including Coming Home and Helping Heroes.

Earlier this year he spent two weeks in therapy at Combat Street in Hollybush House, Ayrshire, and is finally managing his problems.

He said: "I found myself becoming a peer support worker to the other guys. I knew how their mind was working - whether it's Iraq or Afghanistan, or somewhere else."

It has been a long road but today Joe has not had a drink in six months. He has changed the image of his friend lying on the roadside so he does not see a horrific scene.

In a poignant gesture Joe has been in touch with the man's family and is planning to visit his grave on July 19 next year.

Joe said: "I've thought about my problem so in a way I think I've dealt with my problem. I wasn't letting him rest in peace and I wasn't letting myself rest.

"I feel my job now is to try and stop the other guys feeling suicidal, or to stop drinking or whatever."

rachel.loxton@eveningtimes.co.uk

l For information on the Coming Home Centre visit www.cominghomecentre. org/coming-home/

Helping Heroes: www.glasgowshelpingheroes.org or call 0141 276 7199