ONLY AN EXCUSE . . . Scotland's funniest football column with Phil Differ & Jonathan Watson

Luis Fabiano's the Brazilian Boydy. Yes, he is THAT good...

Luis Fabiano's the Brazilian Boydy. Yes, he is THAT good...

Chick Young

The Confederations Cup. A totally sensational, utterly astonishing piece of silverware that is golden.

What a final this competition produced in South Africa. USA 2, Brazil 3. Who would have thought at half-time, with Brazil down 0-2, that they would come back, seal a victory and lift the trophy - apart from everyone in the world who knows anything about football?

For those of us old enough to remember 1966, 1970, 1974, 1978 and 1982, this was classic Brazil. In other words, sensational in attack, absolute rubbish at defending.

The USA's first goal, a deft flick by Clint Dempsey, caught the Brazil defence half asleep, the second found them comatose. Two-nil up and cruising, the USA had this trophy in the bag but, for me, they made a crucial mistake that cost them the match - they didn't play DaMarcus Beasley.

Had he played he would almost certainly have been OUTSTANDING in my eyes, at least quite simply because he is a Rangers player.

And it would have been my duty as a Scotsman to get behind anyone who just happens to play his club football in Glasgow for the Scottish Premier League Champeonees who just happen to be Rangers!

In the second half, Brazil were totally sensational. In fact, I'd even go as far as to say Rangersesque, as they skooshed the Yanks into oblivion with the man-of-the-match striker supreme, two-goal hit-man, Luis Fabiano.

If you've not seen this guy, believe me, he is the Brazilian Kris Boyd. Yes, he is THAT good.

To be honest, had the USA held out and won this match there would have been an almighty controversy over the legitimate goal they had disallowed when goalie Tim Howard made a magnificent save after the ball was at least a foot over the line.

Once again, this leads to the question of should there be or should there not be or should there maybe be goal-line technology?

They use technology at Wimbledon, they call it Hawkeye and it doesn't hold that game up any more than the players having a wee picnic every two minutes.

Anyone saying this Confed- erations Cup was just a wee diddy Micky Mouse tournament would certainly have been eating their words after witnessing the celebrations among the Brazilian players at the final whistle.

Reserve goalie, Spurs' Huerelho Gomes, immediately ran on to the pitch and grabbed Kaka, then fumbled him and dropped him.

Many of the Brazilian players were wearing tee-shirts proclaiming I Love Jesus'. I'm not sure, but I think this Jesus guy might have been a player who was suspended and missed out on the final.

So, this time next year it will be the big one, the World Cup, and after watching Brazil's performance the question I have been asked is, do I fancy them to win the trophy? Well, all I can say is that depends on the burds who are supporting them.

Pat Nevin

Speaking as one of those rent-a-gub media johnnies who'll chip in with an intellectual gem for whichever channel is prepared to pay them, I was genuinely sorry to see Setanta go under.

Okay, the coverage had its faults, but at least fans had something to say about it, even if it was just Celtic fans accusing Scott Booth of anti-Celtic bluenosery or Rangers fans suggesting that John Hartson might be slightly pro-Celtic.

In the ensuing melee that followed the collapse, I did feel for Craig Burley, after he admitted to going on the bevvy when he heard the station had closed.

Administration is no stranger to Craig, that's what happened to Dundee not long after he joined them which makes me think, Craig, sorry mate, that you are a jinx.

Murray's Scot the lot to be a glorious loser
Jim White Well, mates, just to get away from football for a second, what about that Wimbledon thing that's going on and what about Scotland's own Andra Murray? Personally, I hate tennis but wouldn't it be great if a Scotsman won it? Andy can win if he can get over two massive hurdles. One, the self-destruct mechanism built into the psyche of all Scotsmen and two, having his maw watching all the time.	Gordon Strachan What was my reaction when I heard that Jean-Joel Perrier-Doumbe had blasted me? It was to scratch my head, pull a face and ask, who is Jean-Joel Perrier-Doumbe again?	Tony Mowbray Well, you know, Mark Venus is absolutely right, there will be no panic buys at this club in the next couple of weeks. We'll just wait until it's a few days before our first competitive game in Europe and we still don't have a striker who can score goals and THEN we'll panic.	Davie Provan Hello reader, yes reader, well reader, fair play to Hearts, bringing the fans together with a family race day at Musselburgh Race Track. I have to say I was surprised, though, that the club had picked Jamie Mole as the player to promote it - surely Christian Nade would have been more appropriate given he's the nearest thing the club have to a cart-horse.

Barry Ferguson

A move to Birmingham? I'm pure excited about it, know what I mean? I just cannae wait to link up with Big Alex again then in six months' time announce I cannae settle and come back to Hearts.

Kenny Dalglish

Kenny Dalglish has read in the papers that Celtic might be interested in a player called Junior Diaz. Personally, Kenny Dalglish thinks experience is needed in the Celtic team so Kenny Dalglish doesnae think Celtic should be going for Junior Diaz - Kenny Dalglish thinks Celtic should be goin' for Senior Diaz. Or Cameron Diaz. Now yer talkin'.