NOTHING is louder than screaming girls.
You can't even hear yourself think under the sound of their high-pitched shrieks.
I think I'm beginning to understand why the Beatles stopped playing gigs.
In the past week I've been out on two jobs where I have known absolutely nothing about the pop stars but learned a lot about young fans today.
About a thousand people - maybe more, it certainly felt like more - queued up outside HMV from the break of dawn yesterday to see Elyar Fox.
I know...who? Despite being told his name several times by young folk they scolded me for repeatedly calling him Elijah.
Apparently he is a YouTube sensation and is releasing his second single. He was 'discovered' on the internet, they told me, not the X Factor.
The new Justin Bieber perhaps. Hopefully without the monkey and the public breakdown.
There was mass hysteria as young fans from the South Side, Greenock, Ayr, and everywhere in between gathered together to chant his name. Desperate parents pulled out all the stops to make sure their kids got a look-in.
One distressed dad from Blantyre told me he couldn't believe he had to get out his bed and ferry his 8-year-old daughter and her friend into town before 6am during his holiday.
"We're not making this a pointless trip," he said as he tried to negotiate with the bouncer.
Yeah, these pop stars need security. Although, instead of trying to grab Mr Fox when he walked onto the shop floor, they stuck their cameras in his face.
Right now girls have filled their homes with giant cardboard cut-outs of One Direction, provoking pets and frightening mums and dads.
But from my understanding, 1D are not who they were. Pop is moving quickly and Harry Styles may have got too big for his Chelsea boots.
Last week Union J, who could well be 1D's clones, were signing Barbie dolls dressed in boyband clothes in the St Enoch Centre.
Girls piled into the mall, snaking around shell-shocked workers who had nipped into buy their lunch. Some fans burst into tears when they saw their idols.
Fanmania is nothing new, from Sinatra to the Bay City Rollers.
But I can't remember ever being this hysteric over a boyband. I cried when Robbie left Take That but that was to copy my older sister.
I went to see gigs, including 5ive at the SECC, but I never stalked them or became part of an international fan group like Lady Gaga's Little Monsters.
I think the new breed of fan frenzy is down to sites like Twitter. You can be closer than ever to Mr Fox, whoever he is, with a heart-filled tweet.
Technology has changed but the times, they have not.