NOVEMBER is annoying me.

Well, that’s not entirely true. It’s not November, the month.

The month itself is fine – fireworks night is fun, Remembrance Sunday is essential.

Strictly is still all sparkly and wonderful in November, and that pile of old rubbish, I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here hasn’t started yet.

No, what’s annoying me is that uncomfortable couple of in-betweeny weeks in which we now find ourselves, when the lovely colours of autumn have been jet-washed into mulch by never-ending, soul-destroying rain and it’s not quite Christmassy enough yet to make you feel better about it.

It’s the time of year we all get a bit gooey over the John Lewis Christmas ad (other department stores are available), weeping into our Weetabix and spouting sentimental tosh like ‘it’s all about making us think about the elderly being alone at Christmas time’ when it’s not.

It’s really not. It’s about making us spend money in the shop.

And I can’t be the only person who spotted the old man is STILL on his own at the end of the ad – ooh, but at least has a shiny new present to keep him company.

And he can look through it (it’s a telescope) to see everyone else being together and enjoying Christmas!

But anyway, the arrival of the melancholy music-filled, heart string-yanking piece of shameful manipulation that is the John Lewis ad is not the only thing about this part of November that’s annoying me.

Don’t get me started on Black Friday.

This America-inspired annual piece of nonsense turns normal human beings into horrible, grasping animals, as they descend upon stores to bag a bargain in a 24-hour flash sale.

Last year’s crazy scenes of chaos in stores down south, where people I am sure are entirely lovely in their normal, day-to-day lives tumbled over each other, pushing and shoving and scrambling desperately like toddlers in a ball-pit, just to get to the giant tellies and fancy vacuum cleaners, were truly awful.

Reports suggest ASDA –credited with introducing Black Friday in the UK following the example of its parent company Walmart in the US – is actually ducking out this year, not from any sense of concern that people might be squashed to death in its aisles, but because it reckons they can make more money by running cut-price deals throughout the Christmas period.

November is also the season for: putting up Christmas decorations way too early in shops; putting on Christmas music way too early in shops; and seeing ‘countdown to Christmas’ signs way too early, in shops.

Actually, I think my problem with November is really a problem with shops.

It’s all their fault.

Roll on St Andrew’s Day…..