Some of my lovely friends have just had their first babies.

I am absolutely delighted for them - 'they' are not lying when 'they' tell you it is the most amazing think you may ever experience.

But it's the things 'they' don't tell you that you could really do with being tipped off about - the missing advice I am still discovering 19-months later.

So, like being pulled aside as you walk into the office on the first day of a new job and taken straight to the kitchen for the low-down on colleagues you haven't yet met, I have compiled a list of my favourite tips learned the hard way.

Firstly, be prepared to rush through all your meals like you are in a competition.

Even on the rare occasions when you have no need to rush you will still give yourself indigestion.

Previously, you might have thought it good manners to wait until everyone at a dinner table has their food before digging in? Forget that nicety. You are too hungry for manners.

You will, never again, see the bottom of your washing basket. Don't even try to find it.

It is bottomless and prone to consuming entire rooms (and pets) if you are not vigilant.

You will sing to your child in public. You might also previously have considered this behaviour embarrassing? But be prepared to surprise yourself with the range incoherent noises you are willing to make if you think they might illicit a gummy smile.

And there will also be the days, at work, or whilst attempting to get on with serious child-free business that you continuously hum the theme tune to Postman Pat.

Sleep deprivation is well documented. You know it will be bad but you maybe don't appreciate the possibility that you could be so tired you are capable of heading off out for the day and leaving the back door of your house wide open and the front unsecured with your keys hanging in the lock outside the door? It came as a shock to me too.

When you discover something useful in the game of parenting you will broadcast its merits to anyone - like a beacon of hope.

You will feel terrible about the times, before you had your own children, that you bought other people's children singing toys or Play Doh.

When you've heard the same tune 50 times or the first occasion your carpet falls victim to the Play Doh fun you might even be compelled to issue a written apology.

On a positive note - of which there are so very many, don't get me wrong - everything is a game.

Be prepared to look at the most mundane of tasks (food shopping, going to the dentist, hanging out the washing) with new found child-like enthusiasm when your newest addition is in tow.

Lastly if someone could figure out how to get the message across to family pets that their lives are about to be thrown into utter turmoil, I am sure they would appreciate the heads up.

My poor cat was vastly underprepared. Sorry Vinnie.