WHEN is a lie not a lie?

That was the million dollar question, and one which my good pals and I ended up having a lengthy and heated discussion about at our regular catch up.

It began when Christine admitted that her husband Jim asks her every week if he needs to lose weight.

“I always tell him he looks great the way he is,” she admitted.

“But really he should lose a couple of stones.”

“Well why don’t you just tell him that then?” Fiona asked.

“Because it wouldn’t make any difference.”

Our pal looked as though she had been through the mill with that one.

“I used to tell him he could do with losing a pound or two, but he just looked dejected and went on a pretend diet for a wee while.”

“And at the end of the day,” she explained.

“The only thing that changed was his mood.”

“So you lied?” Fiona said.

“Well, it was more of a white lie.”

And that’s when the argument ensued about what was a lie, what was a white lie, and if it was okay to lie.

“I tell him he looks great,” Christine somehow justified her weekly white lie.

“And if he’s happy then I am happy.”

While the debate continued, I looked up the meaning of white lie on the internet to discover.

“It is an untruth we tell to minimise harm, embarrassment or distress,” I read out loud.

“And apparently if some people discover the truth, their relationship can change forever, and usually for the worse.”

“Em, that’s still no reason not to tell the truth,” Fiona was adamant.

“A lie is a lie.”

“Well, I know for a fact Fiona that you lied to Dave,” Christine got her bit in.

“Because you told him the coat you had on last week was just an old thing,” she added.

“And I was with you when you bought it in the Christmas sales.”

“But…..”

“No but’s,” Christine was sounding like a schoolmistress.

“A lie is a lie.”

“But surely it’s okay to tell a small white lie now and then,” I questioned.

“Listen,” added Margaret.

“I have heard nothing but so called white lies for the last year on my online dating website.

“I’ve met a guy who said he was tall with dark hair and he turned up 5 foot 4 and bald.

“Guys have lied about their weight, their looks, their hobbies, and their job.”

Margaret was on a roll: “I even had one guy who described himself as a wealthy entrepreneur.”

“What’s wrong with that?” I asked.

“Well he was ‘in-between’ jobs when I met him and he had borrowed his brother’s car to pick me up.”

“Don’t tell me that was a white lie?” Margaret seemed more that a bit irate after her disillusioned dating experience.

“That was blatant lying at its best.”

“I agree Margaret," replied Mae.

“I once went on a date with a guy who worked in the Gheest banana factory.”

We were intrigued as to where this tale was going.

“And he told me it was his job to bend the bananas.”

The girls couldn’t hold in their laughter as Mae added: “Well, I asked around I soon discovered that there was no such job.

“And when I chinned him, he said it was just a wee white lie.”

“Mae,” I attempted to explain.

“I think it was more of a wind up than a wee white lie.”

Thereafter, dozens of examples of so called white lies were banded about.

“I lie to my mother-in-law every weekend,” admitted another.

“I tell her that her Sunday lunch is lovely and it’s barely edible.”

“I lie about what I spend every month at the hairdressers and nail bar,” chipped in another.

“What he doesn’t know won’t harm him, as it just a wee white lie.”

The girls now seemed to be in confession mode.

“It isn’t exactly lying,” confessed another of the group.

“But I cut the labels off my clothes so that my hubby doesn’t see what size I am.”

“My man was heading out to a boys night last weekend with the most ridiculous shirt on and when he asked if it looked good,” she paused for effect.

“I looked him up and down and said he looked gorgeous.”

At the end of the day, the girls surmised that so long as everyone’s happy, there’s no real harm done.

And after all, we probably don’t know half of the wee white lies they feed us.