It divides us, across Europe, pits brother against bruder, soeur against søster, and could even lead to war.

Sorry, what? No, I’m not talking about the EU referendum, I’m referring to that other big European rammy, the Eurovision song contest.

This Saturday, the weird and the wonderful will battle it out on stage in Stockholm’s Ericsson Globe arena as the majority of us wonder what on earth is happening in front of us.

Eurovision, like the snooker final at the Crucible, was a staple of our family television viewing schedule when I was a child.

(I have since decided I have now seen all the snooker I need in my life, but I still can’t quite give up on Eurovision.)

My favourite memories include, of course, the mighty Bucks Fizz (my dad had JUST said ‘those skirts are coming off’ when Bobby and Mike did indeed whip off Cheryl and Jay’s long skirts to reveal, eh, shorter ones) and the eye-wateringly green stilettos and 80s dayglo hair of Belle and the Devotions in 1984. And who can forget the lovely Nicole, Germany’s 1982 winner, with A Little Peace; or the delightful Buranovo grannies, six elderly women from rural Russia, gamefully dancing and ‘singing’ their way through the catchy Party for Everybody in 2012?

My own children, part of a generation who can access all kinds of music and entertainment with one swipe of a screen, find Eurovision fervour slightly bemusing.

“Are any of the songs actually any good?” frowned the 12-year-old last year, after a particularly horrific collection of acts, “or are they all just stupid?”

The eight-year-old, known for his array of impressive delaying tactics when it comes to staying up late, eventually begged to be allowed to go to bed to escape the madness.

This year, there are changes afoot – a new voting system will mean viewers’ votes will be added after the jury votes, so the winner won’t be revealed until the very end, adding even MORE drama and excitement, apparently.

And there are twice as many points on offer, so less chance of ‘nul points’, unfortunately.

Who cares about all that, anyway? The whole point of watching Eurovision is to marvel at how daft it is, to laugh at Graham Norton’s scathing comments, to spot classic contest moments, such as clothes being whipped off and weird prosthetics and sometimes, to enjoy some of the music.

Last year’s winning song, Heroes, by Måns Zelmerlöw was really good! This year’s song by former The Voice contestants Joe and Jake is actually okay!

(The Russian one, which is the favourite, is really good too. The San Marino one definitely isn’t, and with odds of 1000 to one, he probably won’t get very far. But then, look what happened in Leicester.)

After all, Eurovision is completely unpredictable. Anything can happen. The UK might even make it into the top 10....