I started this year, sadly like thousands of others, with the heart breaking news of the untimely death of a wonderful soul with so much to live for.

Our reaction to death is always something that fascinates me. How can a muscle hurt so much, with no physical exertion but purely as an emotional response?

Ultimately the only thing that is an absolute dead cert in life (pardon the pun) for all of us is that we will all take a first and a last breath.

The grief that ensues a bereavement varies. The weight of the death of a child is crushing, not only for the parents, but for anyone involved in that person’s life. It’s the same when a young adult or parent is torn from their beloved family. The loss of a parent or grandparent, who has had a full and fruitful life, may nevertheless leave a huge void in the family with children, grandchildren and great grandchildren all affected with each suffering the loss, but often with different degrees of severity.

Increasingly I am working with clients struggling to deal with the huge range of emotions they feel when a parent is suffering from dementia or such like. They struggle with a plethora of emotions when the person they knew and adored has already gone but the vessel is still functioning.

And, something which is becoming more common in my practice is the loss of a beloved pet (and usually in that case there is not a dry eye in the house).

Whether the loss is human or animal the pain felt and the impact on the lives of those left behind is the same, the fear, the hurt, the emptiness and often overwhelming loneliness and silence.

Having provided grief counselling for hundreds of clients various factors dictate what course our treatment plan will follow.

I always advise setting aside time in the day to think about the person you have lost rather than spending time with photographs or material items in the acute stages as we try to rebuild our lives to form the new normal. This helps us to see that we can take the memories of the loved one forward and carry them with us, practicing mindfulness and understanding the cycle of grief all help.

Allowing yourself to display whatever emotion you’re feeling, whether it is devastation, fury or emptiness all help the journey forward.

Taking small steps to immerse yourself in society and trying new things all help us to start to rebuild our new normal. As Brits we are notoriously bad at displaying or discussing emotions and I often hear clients saying just how lonely they are when they feel abandoned by friends or family in this time. But this usually happens because the friends and family simply don’t know what to do or say and, in many cases, they are struggling themselves to cope with their own emotions.

So what can we do? Really all you need to do to support someone in a time of loss is to listen. There is no magic wand or quick fix. Be there for them, if and when they need or want you, and understand when they need their space. But speak freely about the person they have lost. This will show them that they can do the same.

Then there is my invincible 94-year-old grandmother, who tells me often that when the time comes not to take her false teeth out so she can still nip me when I scatter her ashes!

So to quote Dr Seuss: “Do not cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

Contact Sandie  info@sandierobertson.com