This is the time of year that can be the happiest or the hardest time of year for many.

It’s a sad fact that over the months of August and September I see a sharp rise in the number of children and teenagers needing help. Whether it is a desperate parent or the young adult themselves  who makes the call, often masked behind a list of other symptoms or complaints such as tummy upsets, panic attacks, poor self-image or sadly, more commonly, now self-harming, there is often one underlying route cause. Bullying.

It’s something I’m sure almost everyone has experienced at some stage of their life. Mine was in school. Perhaps for you it involved a sibling or step-sibling. Maybe its root cause is a neighbour or someone in a workplace. Whatever the environment, the effects can be catastrophic for the victim and their family.

I will never forget the day at school and the clatter of the eight-year-old girl’s hand when she slapped me. I’ll never forget the nausea and fear I felt for the days after. Funnily enough, the hardest part was telling my mum, hurting her and somehow making it real.

I decided a taste of her own medicine was what she deserved so, after many conversations in my own wee head, I plucked up the courage to deliver my first and only slap in life (okay I missed but fortune favours the brave) and in our innocence we returned to being friends the very next day.

Somehow the innocence we had back then has been hugely diluted and the bullying being inflicted on children today is so much more adult and cruel, driven I believe by exposure to an adult world that simply didn’t exist a decade or two ago. That was a time when, if you had been tormented in the playground or classroom it at least stopped at 3.30pm and didn’t start again until the next morning at 9am.

Youths today are subjected to literally 24 hours of cruelty should they find themselves to target of a campaign, whether its on social media or via mobile phones. So it is no wonder that it has such a crushing effect when it is so thoroughly relentless.

Recently I was working with a young gentleman who had suffered horrendous bullying. As a result when he left school he could not leave the house for the majority of his 20s. What a sad waste of youth. I’m delighted to say he has just been accepted to do a nursing course … and what a fantastic caring nurse he will be.

The sad thing is that at that point in our young lives, when we should be relatively carefree, we also form a huge part of the opinion we have of ourselves based on what our “peers” tell us. So the effect of any damage can run deep. 

The key is to create a space where young people can reach out for help, to a parent, friend, teacher or someone like myself.  A problem shared in the correct way goes a long way to starting to lift the burden.

It can be an incredibly hard time as a parent to watch your child endure suffering and hardship and often requires a strong measure of self-control to resist the temptation to sort the problem yourself. But there is help out there.

The most important thing is to try to ensure the child can talk about their problems and issues. And, if it’s not you they choose to share it with, it’s important not to be offended. Sometimes youngsters just can’t deal with your emotions as well as their own. Sometimes they simply need their home life to stay.  www.bullying.co.uk has some really great advice for parents and children alike as does www.respectme.co.uk.

The great news is that children move on from things so much more quickly than adults do. They don’t have years of scepticism built on top of the events as they happen. So using reframing techniques to re-set how they feel about things and themselves can make good changes happen really quickly. I am always amazed and in awe of my younger clients as I see them literally just let it go.

Sandie

Sandie Robertson is a respected lifestyle coach, wellness expert, hypnotherapist and trainer. An expert on anxiety and stress management she has helped hundreds of clients with problems from weight loss to sports performance, trauma to grief. If want her to help you contact her on www.sandierobertson.com