Of all the skills I have mastered in life I can honestly say rejection is one I am truly qualified in.
I guess, like so many others, I gained my first Brownie badge in rejection as a wet behind the ears seven-year-old when my father left home. Though it has taken me another 20 years and a few failed attempts at relationships and marriage to realise that.
Not to mention a particular casting I was selected for many moons ago for a certain Scottish water company. I had to appear seated … but nevertheless butt naked for (rear seated view only) which was a million miles outside my comfort zone to start with, But, I decided the remuneration would have been worth it. So, even though I knew I was an outsider, I plucked up the courage to creep in, get myself in position and hope that the only blushing cheeks were on my face!
The photographer and clients didn’t even stop their conversation as I sat there in all my glory or lack of as it turned out. And it only got worse as when I clumsily put on my T shirt and scuttled out of the room and heard them say “Is Sandie not casting today? I heard she’s great to work with”.
That day was such an important day in life as I learned that, even though I was apparent invisible while naked, being who you are is genuinely the very best way to be. It is really hard to try and be someone you have created rather than the genuine person you are. And keeping it up is nigh on impossible.
The stigma attached to rejection is something viewed as a weakness or flaw in character. However, it’s actually part of our fundamental human need to find acceptance by our partner, peer group family or colleagues.
In my experience, the natural fear of rejection only causes us problems when we become so fearful of being rejected that we compromise ourselves and our values to fit in with another view to avoid the dreaded Big R.
Sadly, this is something I am seeing a vast amount in teenagers today. Confused by what is a ‘normal' way to look, act and behave. They relentlessly find themselves seeking comparisons for a perfection which can never be achieved.
I adore working with people who have to deal with rejection as part of their working lives and ‘Rejection-proofing’ them so that it becomes just another learning tool to be used next time around rather than becoming a debilitating needle in the heart.
Being true to ourselves is the fastest way to be accepted.
If you are truly ‘you’ then you are happy in your own skin which is the most attractive quality in an individual. Organically people with similar likes, wants and needs will naturally gravitate around you. And, if someone in your life doesn’t like who you are or what you do, then they have no place in your kingdom of which you are the keeper. So evict them … and feel great about it.
The thing you do best is being you! (And you don’t have to be butt naked to do it)
Sandie Robertson is a respected Coach and author. To work with her call 0141 2251411