FOR what seemed like forever, a friend of mine, Maggie, had lusted from afar after a fellow commuter.

Last week, she declared over a drink that she was just going to bite the bullet and strike up a conversation with the handsome young Hot Tottie who travelled on the same train as us each day.

“I mean Janice; I’ve fancied him for more than a year now,” she gushed. “So what have I got to lose?”

I had to agree that nothing ventured, nothing gained. And what exactly could go wrong by making the first move?

So, a couple of days later, while sitting next to Maggie on the packed morning train, much to my gibbering friend’s delight, we spotted Mr Hot Tottie heading towards us.

And, as luck would have it (not his luck), he sat down opposite us.

Maggie thought this was a sign of good things to come. For once he had chosen the seat directly opposite her.

Travelling in silence, suddenly, and quite out of the blue, Maggie decided the time was right to bend down and fix the loose strap on one of her sandals.

And, just as she did, Mr Hot Tottie stood upright to put his unwanted newspaper on the rack above.

At the very same inopportune moment, Maggie then raised her head, which allowed her an embarrassing view straight into Mr Hot Tottie’s crotch!

“OMG,” I muttered to myself. “What a spectacular way to make a first impression!”

But, as Maggie wasn’t expecting contact to be anything less than at eye level, this totally threw her and she spent the next few minutes in a state of utter embarrassment and sat staring at the floor while getting redder and redder.

“Do you know how blinkin’ difficult it is not to look at someone when they are directly opposite you?” she muttered behind a magazine.

“Try and distract yourself,” I whispered to her as though she was five-years-old. “Look out of the window or something.”

But as the 20-minute journey rolled on, it felt more like a 10-hour flight to Hong Kong for poor Maggie.

Now, bearing in mind it was one of the hottest days of the year, the sweat had started to drip down her face and she could feel herself sticking to the seat.

But, give her her due, she was trying to distract herself by fiddling with her mobile phone.

However, vanity prevailed and because she refused to pop on her specs in front of Mr Hot Tottie, she was basically partially blind at this point and was merely going through the motions of looking at various apps on her mobile.

That was, until somehow she accidentally turned on the bright torch setting and couldn’t find a way of turning it off.

The fairly strong beam shone around the carriage until it caught the eye of Mr Hot Tottie who was temporarily blinded and blinked at Maggie as though she was some kind of idiot, (which indeed she was), before continuing to listen to his IPod.

At this point, stifled laughter caused my shoulders to shake vigorously as I watched my flustered pal.

Now in a panic, Maggie attempted to lift her handbag to place her flashing phone in it, when the long strap caught her heel causing the contents of her bag, including a variety of female products, to menacingly spill out on to the carriage floor.

Maggie looked as though she was stomping on cockroaches as she tried in vain to stop the female products from rolling about Mr Hot Tottie’s feet.

I shook my head in despair. She’s definitely blown it now I decided.

Eventually, with all stray items safely rounded up like sheep in a pen, she placed them back into her handbag.

Understandably Maggie’s mouth was now dryer than the Sahara.

“I’m gasping for a drink,” she muttered as she rummaged in her bag for a small bottle of much needed water.

But, given Maggie’s lucky streak, just as she proceeded to take what she hoped was a lady-like sip, the train veered to one side and jerked, leaving her dribbling like a teething baby as water poured down her chin and seeped through her white skirt.

Mr Hot Tottie did his best to avert his eyes and pretend he hadn’t noticed a thing.

For what now seemed like the journey to the centre of the earth instead of a short commute, I encouraged my pal.

“Only two more stops now. Why don’t you stand up and get your ticket out of your jacket pocket?”

I could somehow sense that she just wanted to be swallowed up by a sink hole.

And sure enough, as she stood up to step into the aisle, I noticed that Maggie’s skirt had become somewhat transparent, what with sweat and the water she’d dribbled earlier.

Mr Hot Tottie and I glanced at each other, but there was no need for words and we remained silent as we pulled into the station.

Walking to work Maggie turned to me.

“Well Janice, be honest. How do you think that went?”

“Well Maggie, perhaps you should try speed dating,” I suggested.

“Because then there’s a limit to what can go wrong in just four minutes ... Even for you!”