Readers of this column will be familiar with me describing attendance at the annual Burns Supper in my local parish hall hosted by the Lourdes Theatre Group. This will be our third supper this weekend. They are always great. A lot of work goes into making it a classy night. Outside caterers are brought in and events people swoop upon the hall and transform it into an unrecognisable venue. The guests are always resplendent with the men in kilts and the women dressed up to the nines in long dresses or cocktail dresses. It really is a fancy affair.

Glasgow Times:

I usually look forward to the special evening. This year though, I’ve got to admit to being a bit apprehensive about it. The reason for this is… I’ve been asked to do the ‘Reply Fae The Lassies’. Last year at the same event Jane McCarry, the actress who plays Isa in Still Game, gave a brilliant speech. She was really funny and slick. The Toast to the Lassies will be delivered by our local MP Chris Stephens or the redoubtable Des McLean, Chairman of the theatre group. It is tradition when giving these speeches to have a go at the opposite sex so I’ve been brushing up not only on my Burns but on jokes that poke fun at men. My good pal and fantastic comedienne, Janey Godley, has helped me out with this task. I’ve laughed myself senseless with her comedic genius…on this occasion aimed at men.  Although if you are familiar with Janey you will be guessing that it might be a tad risqué for a Chapel Hall. If you are not familiar with her work do yourself a favour. Go and see her perform. I defy you to stop tears of laughter involuntarily running down your cheeks.

With Janey’s assistance I should just about survive on Saturday night, although if truth be told I do enjoy ripping into the weaker sex and if I get anything other than polite laughter from Tommy he will get a clip round the ear and instructed to hoover the carpets and fix the garden hut again.

Last Saturday, we were invited to a Burns Supper in Falkirk. Our favourite wee chef John Marshall prepared the three course traditional meal and done a great job. Tommy gave the Immortal memory and as usual tried his hand at reciting some of Burns’ finest work, he’ll no be getting an Oscar nomination, that’s for sure.

At the dinner, two lovely lady volunteers from the local Foodbank accepted donations of various non-perishables brought along by those attending. I was able to have a wee gab with them and swap stories.

Unlike the Foodbanks I am familiar with these ladies tell me that they accept fresh food not just non-perishables. They told me an uplifting story about two local businesses who contribute to their Food Bank. Malcolm Allan, the butcher, consistently donates produce to them and a bakery called Oliphant does the same. Fair play to these two companies! I’ll make a point of buying some Malcolm Allan square slice sausage this weekend in recognition of their kindness!