WHY can’t David Cameron send a simple thank you letter?

To all those who helped him during his rise to the lofty heights of Prime Minister in 2010.

To those who donated to party funds who helped keep him there in 2015.

And to those who helped ensure Samantha didn’t appear in any embarrassing photos in English tabloids wearing the ‘wrong’ dress or sporting the ‘wrong’ hairstyle. You know, the sort of thing that can end a premiership.

‘Dear all,

It’s been a blast. Thank you for all your help and support. Meet me in the pub later for a G&T and a cucumber sandwich.

Do de doo.

David.’

That’s what normal people do when they leave a job.

A couple of my colleagues left for pastures new in the last week. They said nice things about their soon to be ex workmates and sent e-mails to those outside who they also wanted to thank.

No MBEs, Knighthoods or Fellow of the Royal Ancient Order of the Beefeater or some other ridiculous title.

You’re not really absolutely sure I made that one up, are you?

Mr Cameron’s honours list recommendations makes a mockery of an already tainted honours system which perpetuates inequality, where a Monarch confers status on a select few subjects, co-opting them into the establishment.

Whether it is a captain of industry, a fading rock star or pampered TV personality, the honours system is a relic of the empire and has surely had its day.

Yes, there are many ordinary people, doing everyday jobs recognised for service in communities and some people are honoured for genuine achievements.

But the Prime Minister’s wife’s stylist? What does she get, an OBE or a GHD?

Honours for cabinet colleagues when a bottle of Whisky would do shows that those who think they were born to rule in the first place believe they are deserving of grand status for the rest of their lives, as if being elected to office is not recognition enough.

Giving out honours for people who worked for the Prime Minister or who donated cash to his political causes tarnishes the others.

Perhaps a system where people are recognised by their peers, who genuinely appreciate the work they do, would be more fitting.

Where the ordinary worker doing extraordinary service is the norm instead of the crumb from the cake devoured by the rich and powerful.

I’m not trashing the work that brought some people to the attention of those who dish out the honours.

Many have been honoured for quite remarkable achievements or exceptional service and are indeed an example to us all.

For others however, it is simply mutual back scratching which is tawdry and tarnishes the whole system.

I don’t ever expect to do anything that sees my name mentioned in such conversations but whether it is a knighthood, MBE, CBE or whatever, when it comes to kneeling before a monarch or their heir and most gratefully accepting their recognition I, like many others, am a CMO.

Count Me Out.