Chatting with my friends about the amount of really annoying nuisance calls we get nowadays, my pal Mae reminded us of the night she spent almost two hours on the phone to a guy who called trying his damnedest to sell her a conservatory.

Apparently every time she attempted to give a reason as to why she couldn’t have a conservatory, he came back with a well versed sales pitch to convince her that she could have a conservatory.

This went on and on whilst he discussed the numerous benefits it would bring, haggled over the monthly finance, explained the time it would take to construct, and all seemed well until nearing the end of the exhausting sales pitch, Mae gave her address as 23b, top right.

That was when the penny dropped that she was indeed in a flat which was one floor up!

“It was his fault,” Mae was adamant.

“I kept trying to tell him I was in a flat,” she ranted.

“But he wouldn’t let me get a word in.”

We all found this rather strange as we know Mae likes a blether, and guessed that most likely it was the poor salesman who couldn’t get a word in.

“Well I could never be a sales person regardless of the bonus,” Fiona stated.

“Colin (her husband) and me visited my Aunt Jeans house a few weeks ago only to find her living room crammed with aids for the disabled.”

“I didn’t realise your aunt Jean had disabilities?” I queried.

“Neither did we, but her living room was packed with three different types of wheelchairs, shower chairs and stools, various walking aids, access ramps and hand rails of every description.”

“Oh my,” I commented.

“Does she need all that equipment?”

“Not at all,” Fiona stated.

“She’s a bit wobbly on her feet, but that’s about it.”

“However, Colin butted in to sort out the aggressive salesman only to be told by him.”

“Don’t you worry mate, I’m out of here.”

“Colin and I assumed he had been giving Aunt Jean some heavy sales pitch, but the poor guy said she’s really hard work mate.

He added: “I cannae stand it anymore.”

“All she’s done is constantly moan and whinge since I got here.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have tried to sell her something she doesn’t need.”

Colin replied, only to be put in his place.

“Listen mate, I didn’t call her,” the salesman was furious.

“She called me.”

Fiona added: “He was like a tornado whirling round the living room packing his goods before practically running out of the house!”

We all agreed that it takes a certain type to be a sales person.

“Remember the Kirby vacuum cleaners?” asked Alison.

We all nodded as she carried on.

“Years ago my mum showed a sales guy (Bruce) into our lounge with all his paraphernalia.”

“That was a bad move,” I suggested.

“Bad move right enough Janice,” confirmed Alison.

“The guy was there for so long that after numerous long consumer demos, she gave him a mug of tea and a biscuit.”

“Then he added different nozzles to the cleaner and gave her another demo!”

“Watch this Alison,” her mum was excited about the new device.

“‘Yes, it looks great mum.” Apparently Alison sarcastically butted in.

“It seems to do everything but make the dinner!”

On that note Alison’s mum turned to the enthusiastic salesman Bruce and offered.

“You’ve been here for age’s son and you must be starving.”

Alison shook her head.

“Why don’t you just stay for dinner?”

According to Alison, the bold Bruce didn’t need to be asked twice, and quickly devoured her mums homemade mince and tatties and rice pudding with lemon sponge.

We thought this was hilarious as we imagined Bruce making himself right at home.

“So when I returned from my keep fit class,” continued Alison.

“You can imagine my surprise to see the bold Bruce still in the house.”

“Really?” We wondered what the heck could have taken him so long.

“He was sitting with his feet up on the foot stool, jacket slung over the couch and a beer in his hand.”

“Eh?”

“My mum gave him a beer.”

“Then another.”

“Then another.”

“She soon realised that he couldn’t drink and drive so then suggested he stay the night and sleep on the couch!”

But I had to ask.

“Did your mum buy a Kirby cleaner then?”

“Yep, she bought one for herself and one for her sister.”

“Bruce certainly is a first class salesman,” Alison laughed.

“After all, he got free beer, free dinner, free accommodation, and also sold my mum two Kirby cleaners!”

Not a bad day’s work for Bruce we reckoned.