“I need help regaining my confidence” is an enquiry that pops in to my inbox regularly.

Personally, I think the word ‘confidence’ can arouse unrealistic expectations within people.

I myself recently muddled my way through a period of lost confidence that I ( at the time) couldn’t explain. Life was good, as was health and home. So it came as a shock to me the day I sat at my desk preparing a standard email mailshot to send to my subscribers and the ‘wobble’ hit me.

With my professional hat on now and with the benefits of hindsight it’s easy to see why, as a new mum trying very hard to be back on top form with no sleep a full diary, a new book to launch, horses to muck out while still trying to fit back in to pre-birth skinny jeans that my confidence was a tad ‘wobbly’.

But the icing on the cake (which were all obviously banned until there were no elastic waist belts in sight) was when I had to put my beloved horse to sleep. He had given me an incredible amount on confidence in the times I had him and was my absolute rock.

You see we gain ‘confidence’ from many sources. Perhaps you are a whizz in the kitchen or a natural presenter? Maybe you rock when it comes to multi-tasking or on the pitch at the weekend?

We can gain confidence from so many sources but, when we lose it, for whatever reason, that one negative source can quickly trickle in to every aspect of our lives, Soon it is easy to feel as if you are making the transition from “hero to zero” in everything you do.

This is something I see a lot whether it is when I am working with professional sports men and women or in a high performing corporate environment. Those affected almost inevitably find the confidence wobble has come from a specific event, meeting or phone call that just didn’t go according to plan.

I remember working with an incredibly high achieving gentleman who was at the top of his game at work but, in his spare time was starting to suffer crippling panic attacks after he had to put his retriever, who had travelled everywhere with him, to sleep. We had to work on a way to find a new ‘anchor’ to make him feel that way again. I’m delighted to say that new anchor was called Rudy and he was a Pets Trust dog.

But, a vast majority of clients come to me seeking self-confidence after life changing events such as becoming a parent, overcoming illness or perhaps who are facing retirement or undergoing the menopause. The pressure on us to feel happy is enormous, but you can quickly feel that your life as you knew it, has been pulled from under you and that it no longer exists. Such emotions understandably can take some getting used to.

So what do we do to regain our confidence?

1. Fake it until you make it. Positive outcomes are what makes us feel more confident 2. Remind yourself that nerves can help you perform at your peak and that excitement feels almost exactly the same as nervousness. Choose to be excited.

3. Be realistic about how you should feel. You don’t need to be high-fiving. Just not being sick in the toilet is a good start! Be proud of even the smallest of positive outcomes.

4. Make yourself think and focus on all the times when things haves gone well, times when you felt on top form. All you’re doing is repeating success you’ve already achieved scores of times before.

5. Mentally rehearse the challenging scenario until it runs smoothly in your mind and it feels good.

6. It is perfectly normal to not feel great about everything. It’s only a problem if it’s something you really want to do. So be honest with yourself.

7. Talk to someone you trust about it. You may be surprised when you hear they have felt exactly the same way. And the probably have.

Sandie Robertson is a transformational life coach, author and columnist who is specialism is to help individuals remove obstacles and achieve their goals. Get help from Sandie on 0141 2551411