Janice Bell: A long-awaited night in the hot tub

“Definitely,” I replied, because I had waited for this night to come around for quite some time and, given the week I had had, it couldn’t have come at a better time.

To help you understand, Christine had pre-planned an evening at her house for five of us to get together for some food, drinks and a long relaxing soak in her outdoor hot tub.

Despite it being rather cold and raining heavily, we all turned up raring to get the night started.

As always, Christine’s delicious home cooking and wine was well received before she suggested; “Right girls, let’s make a move before it gets any later.”

Escaping to the pub, Christine’s husband Jim had some friendly advice regarding his precious hot tub.

“Now ladies, enjoy yourselves,” he smiled.

“Thanks Jim.”

“I’ve put in fresh water which has been chemically treated and set to a perfect temperature.”

“OK Jim.”

“Make sure you drink plenty of water as well as wine or you’ll dehydrate.”

“Yes Jim.”

“And……..Christine has finally got the hang of the hot tub music and light system.”

“Thanks Jim.”

We all nodded as Jim’s parting words were: “And obviously I expect you to leave the hot tub in the condition that you find it.”

“No problem Jim.”

Apparently the hot tub was Jim’s pride and joy, as Christine pointed out.

“He’s in it every night as it helps him relax and sleep better,” she explained.

“So we’re very lucky he even lets us dip a toe in it.”

With Jim’s lecture in mind, we headed off to change in to our swimwear.

However, Yvonne had other ideas.

“It’s freezing and raining so I’ll sit on the side-lines cause there’s no way I’m stripping off in this weather.”

"Fair enough," I thought.

"It’s not everyone who wants to sit in the pouring rain wearing a bathing suit!"

The blanket of cold air hit me the second I left the centrally heated dining room.

“Jeez,” I gasped.

“You’d better make a run for it girls.”

One by one we gingerly slinked into the luxurious hot water cooing like babies at bath time.

“Mmmmm, this is the life.”

However, having just dipped into the water, Christine was soon reaching for her mobile phone.

“Hi Jim, I know you’ve just left but how do I get the music on again?”

We all got the vibe that Jim was less that happy at having to patiently go through a step by step guide yet again with his wife, until suddenly the music blared out into the cold, dark night.

“Wilma why are you wearing your reading glasses in the hot tub?," I dared to ask as I added; "they're all steamed up.”

Wilma could barely see as she attempted to guide the plastic wine glass to her mouth.

“I paid a fortune this morning for false eyelashes and the beautician made it clear I had to keep them dry and away from steam and heat for 24 hours.”

Wilma assumed that her reading glasses would give her new lashes the protection they needed.

And Julie added: "I’ve just had false nails put on but I’m sure they can withstand the heat.”

“Oh well,” Christine got her bit in; "Seems like we’ve all been good to ourselves this week girls because I’ve just had a spray tan for my night out tomorrow.”

Meanwhile Yvonne was quietly sitting on the sidelines sipping her wine whilst wrapped up as though we were in Antarctica.

A night of fun and laughter was had by all, however, next morning I got an early call from Christine with a post-mortem on Jim’s precious hot tub.

“He’s just spent the last hour cleaning it out with the net and he’s less than pleased.”

Apparently the first thing Jim spotted was a large brownish ring of scum floating on the water.

“He knew it was my tanning lotion because I am now milk-bottle white.”

“Oh no,” I sighed.

“And he fished out three of Julie’s bright red nails.”

“Oh no,” I repeated.

“And Wilma must be missing an eyelash.”

“Really?”

“Yes, because he fished out a large black bug, but only closer inspection it was definitely one of Wilma’s eyelashes.”

“Oh no.”

“And…….as he reminded me yet again Janice.”

I wondered what was coming next.

“Filters are the kidneys of any hot tub Christine,” she mimicked his voice.

“And they must neeeee……..ver get clogged.”

Fearing my pal may be subjected to the wrath of her husband yet again, I decided it was time to confess.

“Christine,” I took a deep breath.

“You might want to get back out there quickly with the net.” I puffed.

“Because my see-through HRT patch came off last night too and it may very well clog up Jim’s filter.”

“Argh……..” was all I heard as the phone cut off.