Unemployment is down, the economy is on the up, and apparently it's boom time for Scotland's knitwear industry (producing all those extra jumpers David Cameron insists are all we'll need to survive winter fuel price hikes).
So how come the cost of living for us plebs is still rising faster than a Royal Mail fat cat's bank balance?
The UK's national debt is a mind-blowing one trillion pounds and rising. I know, getting your head around £1,000,000,000,000 isn't easy.
Cameron likes to give the impression his Government is paying off that debt. They're not.
The coalition spends £120 billion-a-year more than it raises in tax, creating their own budget deficit, and Chancellor George Osborne's own payday lenders charge him an eye-watering £49bn in annual interest.
That's more than we spend on defence and our fourth highest bill after social security, health and education.
Like us plebs, before tackling the capital, Osborne must first pay off that interest, which is predicted to top £70bn. And the national debt will continue to rise even if the deficit shrinks.
And regardless of who wins next year's referendum or the 2015 General Election, we all know who'll be saddled with the repayments.
In 1999, Tony Blair vowed to end child poverty by 2020. Easy for him to say, knowing he'd be long gone.
Cameron could do little but honour that pledge but last week his own Social Mobility and Child Poverty Commission warned his target will "in all likelihood be missed by a considerable margin" and that "Britain remains a deeply divided country."
Considerable means two million children having to rely on food banks.
Deep division is created and we end up blaming for our troubles the unemployed, the disabled, pensioners and asylum seekers. It's all tosh.
Anyway, Britain is awash with money.
Last week, HMRC admitted the gap between tax it is owed and what it collects is £35bn-a-year.
But that doesn't include the £25bn dodged in tax avoidance and £70bn ripped off in tax evasion. So that's £130bn right there.
Meanwhile, the UK's 1000 richest people saw their wealth grow by £155bn over the past five years, and those earning £1m-a-year got a £42,000 tax cut from George Osborne.
Bankers, the same guys who helped drop us in this mess, have since trousered £7bn in bonuses. And don't even start me on oil. Successive governments have frittered it away, bribing the electorate.
Ed Miliband's latest 2015 election carrot is a pledge to hammer payday lenders.
Trust good old 'Red Ed'. He's already promised to freeze energy prices in exchange for the keys to No 10. If he adds in lawyers, estate agents and journalists, 2015 will be a skoosh for Labour.
But Ed the new populist wouldn't close payday loan rackets, he'd merely look at exorbitant interest charges.
He wants vulnerable folk to continue borrowing, so Chancellor Ed Balls (there's a thought!) can look good by hitting lenders with higher taxes - and use the money to expand credit unions.
Red Ed fittingly made this latest pledge in Peckham. Not even local hero Del Boy would think it makes sense.
Britain has been going in circles for years, wasting time and money and lives.
Child Poverty Commission chairman Alan Milburn, the former Labour health secretary, concludes that "being born poor often leads to a lifetime of poverty" and that "being in work is no longer necessarily a route out of poverty".
NHS Scotland tells us the rich and poor gap leads to thousands of unnecessary deaths.
And Oxford Uni swots discover kids from wealthier families are more successful in exams than poorer children.
Talk about stating the bleeding obvious! For God's sake, these were known facts before I was born. When are our so-called leaders going to do something about it?
It makes the blood boil, but then Cameron will probably claim that's his latest winter heating innovation. Happy days, indeed.
ALEX Salmond proved again at the SNP conference he is the canniest operator in British politics.
The First Minister's popularity rating remains impressively high, at least north of Westminster, as does the electorate's faith in his devolved government.
But that very success could prove Salmond's biggest obstacle to independence.
Scots already enjoy autonomy over education, health and social services, housing, policing, transport.
Prescriptions, care for the elderly and university fees are free. Do we risk all that with a 'yes' vote?
Now, if we could only add tax-raising powers, would we have the best of both worlds?
The SNP white paper will make interesting reading on November 26.