After a minuscule amount of research I have concluded that all guys who think it's acceptable to take selfies have one glaringly obvious thing in common - they're idiots.

It would appear that the young men of today are experiencing some sort of existential crisis. They went looking for themselves and they got lost.

They are the TOWIE/Geordie Shore/Made In Chelsea generation. Say goodbye to the days when men worked on building sites, went to the pub for a pint, watched the football and ate fried foods without caring about a beer belly.

Today's men are slightly different; they go for facials, they take selfies and when they're not in the club drinking vodka cranberry, they're parading around the gym and mentally comparing biceps with one another.

If these guys were girls, I'd call them 'basic bitches'.

The new species of man wears Topman vests that are two sizes too small because he WANTS you to know he's been sculpting his guns at the gym in preparation for that fortnight in Ibiza with the boys this coming August.

He's covered his arms in tribal symbols, clouds, angels and religious people he knows nothing about, but he wants you to think that he's a deep thinker and a good guy at heart because he has St Peter on his arm.

These are the kind of guys who go to the gym in pairs and say that they are 'gym buddies'.

They take selfies in front of the mirror together and caption the photo '#gymbuddies' and upload it to instagram.

The gym is the last place on earth where I would want to take a selfie but the man with the quiff is so self-assured that he assumes everyone wants to know what he looks like whilst he's working out.

He loves that his physique gives the illusion that he's a tough guy but, in actual fact, he goes for sunbeds, occasionally wears fake tan and wouldn't think twice about pushing you down those Shimmy stairs so that he can swagger in before you, all eyes on his quiff.

The TOWIE breed is also a music connoisseur and your opinion is totally irrelevant when it comes to this subject.

He knows everything there is to know about house music or indie music (depending on his mood) and what he says goes.

Ibiza is the place to be when it comes to music even though he didn't discover the house scene until 2011.

He's the guy who controls the docking station at parties as everyone else's musical intelligence is obviously inferior to his.

It's sad but true that these are kind of demons we have to battle out on the dating circuit but being able to recognise them is the first step to victory. Avoid them like the plague.