THERE'S Turkey, crackers and long-held grudges simmering just below the surface.

And that's why the Eurovision song contest is like the dysfunctional family Christmas meal that can't be avoided.

But why would you want to? I'm an unashamed fan of Eurovision.

The annual event is back this weekend, you'll be pleased to hear.

The singing is never that great but where else will you find such progressive thinking?

Last year we had the stunning Conchita Wurst from Austria win the competition with Rise Like a Phoenix, much to the annoyance of Russia, who weren't down with the "bearded girl".

They really need to move with the times, eh?

This year Finnish band PKN - the first Eurovision punk band and the first act to all have learning difficulties - narrowly missed out on a place in Saturday's final.

Maybe their music is not to everyone's taste but it's good to see a real representation of the people competing.

I grew up watching Eurovision and believed it had been there since the start of time because it felt so embedded in our culture.

I then discovered it was launched after the Second World War to re-unite the continent.

It may not have made everyone BFFs but, truly, I can think of no better activity to bring people together for a night than singing.

In fact the best Christmas night out in the history of the Herald and Times was when I organised a karaoke meal. I'm biased, obviously.

Eurovision makes me feel faintly patriotic because I do love every country's quirks.

The UK is like the distant cousin, sitting apart from the mainland, always moaning about everyone else.

That's why we never really get the votes.

This year's Brit entry is duo Electro Velvet but I reckon we need Lulu back if we're ever going to score a victory again.

Across in mainland Europe you have the giants like France, which is too busy enjoying a late lunch and wine to care about Eurovision, you have Germany, which is full of itself and you have Italy, which is always rubbish.

Up in Scandinavia you have the undisputed royalty of Eurovision: Sweden gave us ABBA, who in turn gave us Waterloo. They are so successful that they're still played in every social club across the UK every Friday night.

This year Australia has been invited into the mix.

This is confusing because it is literally on the other side of the world but who am I to argue with the Eurovision masters?

If they think it will bring us all closer together then I'm all for it.

Apparently the Aussies love Eurovision and who could blame them?

Just like Christmas lunch, the only way to get through Eurovision is with plenty of alcohol. Bring it on!