"You've got to give a little, take a little..."

And look like a right old tool a little! Oh yes folks, do not adjust your settings, your lens prescription is perfectly fine. It's me! Dressed up as CC Bloom and my pal Jono is her nemesis, Iris Myandowski the hand walking queen. If you still don't have a clue as to what I'm on about; shame on you! Beaches. Bette Midler. Duh. Let me explain. I don't drag up on a regular basis, it's normally reserved for during Panto when I'm being paid to do so. My pal Lynsey turned 40 and decided to throw a brilliant bash on Saturday night with a dress up theme of Retro Icons.

The journey to becoming CC Bloom and Iris wasn't easy. Jono and I sat on our iPads googling famous duos. Abba? It was a dead cert to be done. Batman and Robin? Too camp. (I kid you not. We actually said that.) Brokeback Mountain? Too predictable. Wayne and Garth from Wayne's World was a strong contender as was Annie and Daddy Warbucks, but Jono vetoed the bald cap. Two bottles of wine later we had just about agreed on me being Annie and him going as Sandy the dug, when up popped Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey as the gals from Beaches. We contemplated putting Jono in a pair of PJs, lank wig and near death eye make up, however, there was far too much comedic mileage in us being the younger characters. The next day I got a text from him saying, "I had a dream we agreed to dress up as the wee lassies from Beaches." Oh aye. We scoured the Internet for wigs, tights and leotards. It was full steam ahead. I heard a rumour that there was an award at stake and the middle child in me leaped into action. We approached it with military precision; I even googled false buck teeth to add to my look, but didn't want to offend Bette Midler or Mayim Bialik who played the younger CC. I plan to tweet them to death in the hopes of our efforts being recognised and applauded by the High Priestess of Gay. Did I mention that I was a middle child?

Saturday came. We were set. There was a hair raising moment when the blue leotard for Iris hadn't arrived, but the good old eBay delivery service came through in the end. Now, I must admit, we were both dead nervous at the prospect of getting to the party dressed up as wee lassies. Glasgow on a Saturday night can be touch and go! We were safely escorted there by Brian Blessed in Flash Gordon and Minnie Mouse. Who would dare mess with us? The party was a hoot! The birthday girl was dressed as Princess from battle of the planets, Kraftwerk were there as was Sigourney Weaver from Alien - Debbie Harry and Jackie O cutting a dash on the dancefloor was a sight to behold. Award time. It was nail biting to say the least. There were three prizes in total and guess what? We won! I clutched that wee plastic trophy like it was an Oscar, so in the true spirit of any award winner, please allow me some thank you's. To my pal Dena, sewing extraordinaire; my glittery trim and shopping excursion would have been a disaster without you, not to mention Jono's tutu. To Gayle, for giving me a loan of your tap shoes, i clacked my heart out all night doll. To my good friend Clare, for urging me to tease my wig into a frizz bomb a la CC/Bonnie Langford and saving me from looking like a busted up saloon gal. Last and by no means least, I'd like to thank myself. We both had £1 luffa's on our heads and it was my idea. Victory was mine! All mine! Sorry Jono, I meant ours. Obvs.

Happy 1st Birthday to everyone at STV Glasgow, who are celebrating this week. I was very kindly invited along to their party on Friday night at the Rotunda. What they have achieved in a year is fantastic and I'm sure it'll continue to grow from strength to strength. The Riverside Show hostess with the mostess Jennifer Reoch and I presented Miss Scotland together a few years ago and I just adore her. David Farrell is a lovely boy too and it's always a joy to bump into him. Congratulations guys, you deserve every bit of success!

I'd like to wish all the love and luck in the world to Gabrielle Cluness and Angela Ireland, who are about to launch their brand new social enterprise, Milk Cafe on Victoria Road on the southside. This isn't your run of the mill coffee and cake haunt, the girls have stumped up their own cash and have been crowd funding to give migrant women who haven't yet received refugee status, therefore, unable to work, a safe place to come and share skills, improve their english and help them integrate into the wider community. Gabby and I knew each other as beer swilling teenage students, so it's really wonderful to see her utilise her worldly knowledge and help the local community to broaden their minds and hopefully break down barriers or myths about asylum seekers in Scotland. Well done lassies! Milk Cafe opens on Saturday June 6. See you all there!

Check out "Milk" by xavierburrow on Vimeo:

https: //vimeo.com/127401650