1 I take him to McDonalds just to watch him eat and see the numbers change.

2 My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

3 I have a million-dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.

4 You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, not the police.

5 Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.

6 You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and you don't know anyone who can see through it.

7 My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese. Most of it is missing and what's there stinks.

8 It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.

9 At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass.

10 I once dated a guy so dumb he couldn't count to 21 unless he was naked.