1 Socks:

Not a case of will you get a pair, but how many will Santa bring.

2 Cheap after shave: Nothing worse than having to wear the stuff - even for a day.

3 Ill-fitting jumpers: Not only do they not fit in the first place, they then shrink in the wash.

4 School trousers: Yes, Santa knew one little lad had fallen and torn his only pair.

5 Diy Tools: Nothing says Merry Christmas like a new Black & Decker.

6 Cheap plonk: Always worth checking the sell-by date to see how long it's been in the giver's cupboard.

7 Luminous tie: Like you're ever going to wear it.

8 The Barbra Streisand CD: Or the CD of whichever artist you really don't want in your collection

9 Tickets to a concert you don't want to attend: Roy 'Chubby' Brown - oooh fantastic, thanks.

10 Sexy underwear: a) is that sexy? b) I don't wear sexy underwear anyway.