WOULDN'T it be nice to pack up a suitcase and live on a remote island?

I began thinking about this after spending another chunk of my life on the phone to a utility company trying to get my head round a bill.

If it's not a complicated electricity bill, it's a questionable council tax statement, a tricky factor's charge or an inflated phone payment.

The problem is that nothing is ever simple to sort out, and sometimes it feels as if money collectors pick a number out of the air to charge you.

Surely it's not only me who has no idea how to work out if my gas bill is correct?

Bills can't be avoided: you have to pay what you owe. But it's good to question the numbers too.

Sometimes it feels as if all my free time is spent on the phone listening to dodgy pop tunes waiting for an operator to become free.

So after watching the Grand Tour of the Islands series on BBC I thought it might be an idea to become self-sustainable, like Highland crofters.

I might attempt to repopulate St Kilda to see if the weather's improved since the evacuation of islanders in 1930.

Imagine not having to waste another moment of your life on the phone to a call centre debating your electricity usage or other such boring chat?

Imagine having your own mini wind farm just to power electricity to watch Friends DVDs? There would be no TV licence paying here.

You could use a good old-fashioned coal fire for heat and wear three or even four layers of clothes in the winter. It doesn't matter about fashion because no- one will see you.

When it comes to food and drink, the surroundings are your oyster.

I'd take up fishing and live as long as the residents of Okinawa - an archipelago off the coast of Japan where you'll find the world's highest number of centenarians.

Their top notch health is widely attributed to their diet of sea food and rice.

In this case rice would be swapped for puffins.

And when the heavens opened you'd have the best spring water available.

There would be no point in commuting, so office working would go out the window. It's not normal to sit at a desk anyway.

It would be hard enough work tending to my veg patch and chasing my livestock round fields.

The problem is I'm too stupid for any of this hard living. I've become accustomed to Keeping Up With The Kardashians and real plumbing.

I've come from a generation where cooking from scratch means throwing potato waffles in the oven and heating up frozen peas.

I do hope one day bills become easier, though. It's hard enough battling these firms without actually having to battle the elements.