The night it all went wrong in the bath with Britney

MY daughter got married yesterday.

Loading Comments
Share
Print

It was a wonderful day and surprisingly for me, all went to plan.

However, the week's prior to the wedding were fairly stressful. I had my busy day job, my weekly column to write and I'm also a Cosmetic Tattooing Artist in the evening and weekends.

In between all of this, I was at the dreaded gym three or four nights a week in an attempt to squeeze into my mother-of-the-bride outfit.

So, all-in-all, by the time the week ended, I was completely burnt out.

I usually only have time for a quick shower, but feeling the way I did, I decided I would treat myself to a luxurious long soak in the bath that evening when I returned from work.

So it was lunchtime and I headed out to Sauchiehall Street with my wee shopping list of treats for my pamper evening.

Firstly, I nipped into the Body Shop and indulged myself with some luxurious scented bubble bath.

I continued on to John Lewis and bought a couple of gorgeous smelling candles, Lavender and Orange Grove. The last stop was Sainsbury's for a bottle of well-deserved Pinot Grigio.

Heading home on the train, I was tired and drookit for the third time that day. I had three heavy bags and I was sooo … looking forward to my long tranquil soak.

No housework. No writing. No tattooing. No long telephone conversations. A totally chilled-night all to myself was in order.

I smiled and thought: "Janice, tonight you're not going to lift a finger."

So the wine was chilling, the hot water was on and I'd laid out my new jammies.

After dinner, I ran downstairs to my bathroom and started to run the water and pour in my new bubble bath which was soon foaming everywhere.

I lit my two new candles, straightened the bath mat and placed my big fluffy towels to warm on the heater.

I'd already downloaded Britney Spears' Greatest Hits on my iPad.

Perfection. Well almost.

It was a bit too dark, so I lit half-a-dozen tea lights and placed them on my wooden bathroom cabinet and on my window sill.

Finally, I poured a glass of Pinot Grigio with a few ice cubes and had the good sense to put it in a tumbler rather than a long-stemmed glass.

"Knowing me I might spill it in a tall glass," I thought, pleased at just how sensible I can be sometimes.

I sat the wine on the edge of the bath being careful not to spill it on my new bath mat and slowly stepped into the wonderful warm bubbles. I felt like Cleopatra in a bath of milk.

Bubbles were everywhere, candles, glass of wine, great music …

"Hit Me Baby One More Time". I started singing along to Britney.

"Everything looks even better in candle light," I thought to myself, "even me."

"Hit Me Baby One More Time" … but out of the corner of my eye, I was becoming aware that one of the many flames in the room was about six inches higher than the rest. In fact, it was twice as high as the rest.

HOW can that be?" I wonder although by now I was so relaxed that I didn't want to know.

Ignoring it, I did my very best to enjoy my long awaited serene bath time!

But the flame kept getting bigger and bigger.

As much as I tried to relax, my left eye kept involuntarily opening and looking at the candle. Despite my determination to let nothing waste this moment of 'me time', I was getting nervous.

I took a mouthful of wine and lay back staring at the flame. Why such a big flame from such a small tea light?

Then panic set in as the foam-induced serenity was replaced with reality. The bathroom was nearly on fire.

I needed to act quickly and was suddenly a red-skinned Red Adair ready to burst into action.

I might not have been capping an oil well but my wee bathroom could become a tinderbox if I didn't act quickly.

But as I stood, the slippery bath oil had turned the bath into a skating rink, and I am no Torvill and Dean.

I slipped and slided on the oil, and in an attempt to steady myself I grabbed hold of the only thing within reach - the cord for the bathroom blind.

In slow motion, I slipped again and pulled on the cord for the blind which came hurtling off the wall and onto the floor, narrowly missing me and the candles.

Like a floundering seal hanging off a cliff, I was now half in and half out of the bath. The cord of the blind still in my hand.

Most of my luxurious bath water was on the floor and somehow I managed to slither out of the bath and on to the cold wet bubbly floor next to the broken blind.

Britney blares out: "Lucky Lucky - she's so lucky" Well, right there and then I didn't feel bloody Lucky. And that flame was still raging away like a North Sea gas flare.

Saturated and shivering, I grabbed on to the toilet seat and pulled myself up towards the out-of-control flame.

I huffed and puffed, but this just made the flame bigger.

Next thing, with water dripping from my face and a trembling hand, I lifted the tumbler of Pinot Grigio.

"This is an emergency"! I shouted to myself. However, I still had the presence of mind to take a large gulp before throwing the remaining contents on the flame in an attempt to douse it out.

But no. WHOOSH - the flame immediately grew another foot.

"Arghhh!!!", I screamed. Hot wax spluttered everywhere like a Chinese firecracker.

It was on my new bath mats, my window, the mirror, all down the walls. Splashes of searing wax were even on my face and in my hair.

Totally drained, I sat on the toilet seat with water dripping from my chin, smelling of splattered Pinot Grigio and gazed at the damage.

My wooden cabinet had huge scorch marks; my blind was floating on the floor, a discarded tumbler lay on top of a sodden towel.

How did a serene bath time turn into the tsunami around me?

But all is not lost.

My iPad is still working and out blares Britney… 'Oops I did it again.'

Food and drink

Commenting & Moderation

We moderate all comments on Evening Times on either a pre-moderated or post-moderated basis. If you're a relatively new user then your comments will be reviewed before publication and if we know you well and trust you then your comments will be subject to moderation only if other users or the moderators believe you've broken the rules

Moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours. Please be patient if your posts are not approved instantly.

153236

Have you got a story?

Contact the news desk on 0141 302 6520 or email news@eveningtimes.co.uk
Michelle McManus

Michelle McManus

Sussed in the City

Whatever the result, the fans are Still Game

Times Out

Entertainment

Lifestyle

TV Advert
Janice Bell

Janice Bell

You couldn’t make up half the stuff that happens to PA Janice Bell- some of the jams she gets herself into are worth a story or two.

Games news:

Putting the world to rights

Gail's Gab

The indyref vote is the biggest decision of our lives

Cat’s Eyes on Glasgow

Cat’s Eyes on Glasgow

Cat Cubie’s job is to find and share with you the fabulous things the city has to offer, from gigs to gastro.