I bet they would include things such as ginger hair, whisky drinkers, bagpipe players, saying things like 'och aye the noo' in every sentence, installing double glazing at home so the kids can't hear the ice cream van, and my personal favourite...turning up at your door at 3am after a boozy boys' night out singing Stevie Wonder's I Just Called To Say I Love You while holding a glass bottle of Irn Bru and a cold fish supper.
Well that would have been one of my answers anyway.
These are all examples of perhaps exaggerated characteristics of our fellow countrymen, but did you know that according to a report in the news this week, Scotsmen actually spend more on beauty treatments than in any other part of the UK.
Yes ladies, our blokes are spending on average a whopping £1038 on pampering products and treatments such as haircuts, colouring, waxing and tanning top-ups, with industry professionals estimating an additional 2100 jobs could be created to keep up with the demand.
Now that's only £61 less a year than the average woman spends, so the question on everyone's lips surely must be: where on earth are these silky smooth, tanned, floral-smelling gods hiding? Because trust me, after many many years of searching every nook and cranny from Ashton Lane to the Merchant City, I've yet to find this mythical breed.
I understand the laws of attraction vary from person to person, and clean-cut, washed men might not be your thing, but seriously, the last guy in a Glasgow bar who attempted to chat me up didn't even look like he'd spent more than £1.38 sprucing himself up.
In fact I'm sure he had spilled half of his Chicken Korma he'd clearly eaten some hours earlier down his jeans and still thought he was the star prize for any lucky lady that night.
I definitely think TV has contributed to this new trend massively, with reality shows such as The Only Way Is Essex and Geordie Shores showing young men groomed within an inch of their lives and being extremely proud of it.
It has most certainly encouraged the average Joe to stroll into their high street beauty salon in the hours of daylight, minus a disguise with not a care in the world.
So ladies, if you're still looking for Mr Right just follow your nose when you hit the town this weekend as apparently there a bouquet of big hotties out there in Bonnie Scotland just waiting to spend their boots advantage points on you.
SO my Active 2014 programme took a bit of a nose dive this week due to my dice with the lurgy straight from the burning fires of hell.
It which is still hanging around and does not seem to be going anywhere fast, although there seems to be a light at the end of my influenza tunnel after a taxi driver informed me of a miracle weight loss exercise regime he'd seen on a BBC Horizon programme recently.
Apparently studies have shown that it is entirely possible to exercise for just three minutes a week and lose a substantial amount of weight.
Now news like this to a girl like me is almost as good as winning the lottery, and naturally I came straight home and checked out this so-called magic wand-style workout online and lo and behold there it was...
The aim is to get on an exercise bike and pedal as fast as you possibly can for 20 seconds with a short break before repeating again a further two more times and that's it.
I know, too good to be true, right? But according to the TV programme this exercise workout repeated three times a week really does work, so nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Next challenge is getting an exercise bike up to my fourth floor tenement flat, and then breaking the news to my neighbour directly below me.
He'll be delighted I'm sure.
TWO young Grangemouth sisters have written and recorded a charity single after their friend was recently diagnosed with cancer.
Identical seven-year-olds twins Carmen and Ava Judge, along with the help of their father Chris Judge and industry professional Greg Friel, have released the fabulous Forever Friends single this week with all proceeds going to cancer charity F.A.C.E.
The track also features vocals from The Soul Nation Choir and is available to download from iTunes now.