MY pal says it's important for men to remember that, as ladies grow older, it becomes harder to maintain the same housekeeping standards as when they were young. And when we notice this change, we should try not to shout, because some women can be over-sensitive and there's nothing more scary than an over-sensitive woman.

My pal talks from experience, although at first glance "sensitive" does not fit with the image of his partner, The Wicked Witch of the East.

When she was ill recently, and running a temperature of 105, my pal thoughtfully moved her bed into the basement and used her to help heat the house. Was she over-sensitive? You bet.

When it comes to affairs of the heart, my pal has always made Quasimodo look like a playboy.

He once confided in his big sister (my pal, not Monsieur Q) that he felt like a little pebble on the beach at Troon. She told him he had to be a little boulder.

He could do no better than a little stoned. They say love is blind (so why is Ann Summers so popular?), but in my pal's case it was blind drunk, which explains how he netted The Wicked Witch.

There were plenty other women out there to choose from, and I told him so.

"That's not true," he said. "An awful lot of the women didn't want to get married."

"How did you know?" "I asked them."

My pal did hold out hopes for one delightful student optician who caught his eye.

But it didn't last. She got fed up of him making a spectacle of himself.

"Can you imagine your love life with an optician?" he sighed.

"I hear her now: Better like this ... or like this?'" Enter The Wicked Witch. At first she resisted his advances, but she ended up blocking his retreat.

And, as I said, sensitive.

My pal got home from work as usual at 6pm one day to find her in a dreadful mood.

Two hours later she was still in full flow, and my pal suggested he go back outside, pretend he was just getting home, and they could start all over again. The Wicked Witch waved her broom in agreement.

My pal went outside, came back in and announced with a cheery smile: "Darling, I'm home!" "And where have you been?" she hissed. "It's after eight o'clock!" She had put together some fancy spreadsheet on their computer, detailing their financial history, but could she get my pal to learn how it worked? No chance.

"What if something happens to me?" she asked him. "You wouldn't know what our assets are."

"Listen, dear," he told her, "if something happens to you, I won't need money."

Later, in bed, her lecture was interrupted by a snore from my pal. He got an elbow in the ribs.

"Do you know what I think of a man who goes to sleep while his wife is speaking to him?" she asked.

It wasn't a question, but my pal had an answer. "Yes, I believe I do," he said, yawning. "But, please, don't let that stop you. You go right ahead and get it off your chest."

The Wicked Witch will not be the only wife and mother worried about her assets these days.

Medics say the economic crisis is very bad for your health, with fears over job security, rising prices, and paying the mortgage taking stress to dangerous levels.

My pal has suggested The Wicked Witch put on a cardigan, turn off the heating, and disconnect the phone.

He predicts they'll save a fortune.

At least it's cheaper than a divorce, the probable outcome for the husband who caught his wife in bed with his best friend.

Having watched hubby thrash her lover to within an inch of his life, the wife told him: "If you carry on like that you'll have no friends left."

No, you wouldn't need to be sensitive.