ONLY AN EXCUSE: We've lost the plate ... so we need to turn to meerkat forces

CHARLIE NICHOLAS

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Here's looking at you kid...SFA referee observer Willie Young, left, and education manager Steven McLean, right, take delivery of the lastest must-have Christmas present for the men in black
Here's looking at you kid...SFA referee observer Willie Young, left, and education manager Steven McLean, right, take delivery of the lastest must-have Christmas present for the men in black

WITH 2012 all but gone, at last we can look forward to 2013 and ask the question – who's going to take the game by the scruff of the cake and look at the bigger pilchard?

For far too long now complacency has been our own worst enema. You don't cook your chickens after the horse has boasted because that would be like turkeys voting to take over the asylum.

Right now we need to expend the hand of reconcilliapation, body- swerve the accrimonials and bury the hatchback.

As Jean Paul Sartre – or was it Slade? – once said, 'look to the future now, it's only just begun' and he – or they – was right. Not only has it begun but it has started too and its fate is in the hands of our own density.

So believe me when I say, don't ask yer SFAs or yer SPLs for a solution, ask yer meerkats and they'll tell ye the answer is 'seemples', pick up yer dominoes and aim for the bullseye.

Cards on the fire, hat in the irons, chips in the oven, the future has thrown down the omelette and it's time for us to rise to the chalice.

And as for all the previous claims and promises? I'm sorry but I would take them all with a pinch of Stork.

GORDON STRACHAN

HAVE I been having informal talks about the Scotland job? Aye. I have. What's the difference between informal talks and formal talks? Well, in informal talks you don't wear a shirt and tie. The dress code is casual.

The talks have been top secret, even though everybody knows about them, but they've been very general and as you would expect for informal talks informal.

To be honest, it's been hardly more than a chat about things like the weather, the price of petrol and what I would do to stop the decline of Scotland's international team if I got the job.

Right now we're sitting 72nd in the world, but if I was in charge I'm sure I could get us up to 71st or who knows maybe even 70th but hey, let's no' get too carried away.

CHICK YOUNG

I WASN'T at the match and I haven't seen the highlights, but I just KNOW Rangers were magnificent as they cruised to yet another massive victory against a top, top class, above average third division side. Make no mistake, Elgin are no mugs and yet the mighty Gers utterly gubbed this quality third rate, part-time side in their own Elgin. Europe take note.

And what about the sensational Lee McCulloch or should I say Lee McMessi? Only another double. Lee is undoubtedly becoming the Lionel Messi of the Scottish Third Division.

Lionel Messi? He is definitely good enough to be rated the Lee McCulloch of La Liga.

NEIL LENNON

YOU know, when I heard we had drawn 'the Old Lady' in the Champion's League I thought, 'that's strange, how can we play against Richard Gough'? Then, of course, I remembered 'the Old Lady' was the nickname for Juventus and it was them we'd be up against. It'll be a tough tie, no doubt about it, but I genuinely believe that if we can mark Andrea Pirlo out the game then we'll only have another nine world class outfield players to worry about.

ALLY McCOIST

WHAT did I get from Santa? Well, to be perfectly honest, in all honesty, what do you think? I got Rangers shares which I was able to sell at a profit for a couple of bags of chocolate coins.

CRAIG BROWN

AT Christmas time when I was a boy, in your stocking you'd get maybe an orange, some ashes from the fire, some gravel, some wood shavings, maybe a bar of chocolate, a pen knife, a snake belt and possibly a Renton or St Bernard's football strip.

Now? Well to be honest I didn't get anything in my stocking this year...not even the sniff of a new contract. I still believe in Santa Claus though, it's Stewart Milne I'm not so sure about.

ALAN McINALLY

JUVENTUS? Yup, uhmm, put it this way, that's a good, good, good, good draw for Celtic, but I was actually hoping, praying they would get Bayern Munchen so that I could remind everyone that I did actually play for Bayern in Munchen at Bayern in Germany.

BARRY FERGUSON

I WAS reading about the Rangers game up at Elgin and it said that Andy Little got a brace. Why would you go all the way to Elgin just to have something done to your teeth?

GRAEME SOUNESS

YEAH, for sure, due to my work on SKY I've seen a lot of the Champions League and can I just say Juve are a top, top side. I've seen a lot of Celtic too and I have to say I've been impressed, but can they beat the Italian s over two legs. Well, I'll tell you, they're jammy enough to do it.Unfortunately.

Food and drink

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