Cousin's red card was a disgrace . . . he didn't even butt him - that man should never play for Gers again
PWOUD? Oh, I'm more than pwoud, I'm beyond pwoud. In fact, I'd go as far as to say I'm actually quite pleased with the way things are turning out for us this season.
Alan Curbishley said at the weekend that it would be a travesty if ManU didn't win the league and, you know, looking at it totally objectively, I would have to say I agree with him.
Without getting too carried away or being arrogant or big-heidit or tempting fate in any way whatsoever, I'd say the Premiership is in the pokey, and we'll win the Champions League, too.
YOU know, an awful lot of bitterness, bad feeling and suspicion is creeping into this whole re-scheduling of the Scottish season carry-on, so we thought it was time we,
the voices of reason, got involved and offered our
simple solution.
Saturday's match with Dundee United is cancelled, but only if Rangers promise to issue no more we'll just have to get on with it' statements.
Martin Bain can celebrate with a glass of Cuprinol. If Dundee United complain, just tell them to keep out of it, it has nothing to do with them. Peter Lawwell yells sporting
integrity, ya bas', takes a maddie and challenges the SPL to a legal square go' as - in a bizarre and unforeseen twist - everyone with
Rangers' leanings gets
behind their request for
re-scheduling the season while everyone with Celtic' leanings doesn't.
The SFA award Rangers the Scottish Cup. After all, it's only Queen of the South.
Authorities check with
Rangers this is okay and hide from Celtic. Throw rule book out the window. Now, is that not a fair compromise?
Music fans take note. That wasn't Buster Bloodvessel from Seventies band Bad Manners you saw at Fir Park on Saturday. It was, in fact, Bob Malcolm.
Apparently it was
announced on Monday morning that Christian Vieri had played his last game for Fiorentina. No, we can't figure out why, either.
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Who is it we're playing in the final again? Chelsea? Ach, we'll skoosh them. Naturally, they're confident they can do' us again like they did when they cheated us at Stamford Bridge, but just wait until I start working my voodoo
psychology on big, lugubrious Avram Grant, the poor soul'll no' know what's hit him.
But leavin' aside my own club in all its splendorous greatness, I have to say I'm
thoroughly delighted, too, for good old Glasgow Rangers,
the team I supported as a boy, played for as a player and always tried to gub as a manager.
I think it's a Herculean achievement for Walter Smith and his players to reach the final of the wee diddy European trophy that we wouldnae touch with a bargepole.
Down here we're really looking forward to the expected 3,000,000 Rangers fans coming
to Manchester and
having a good time by stripping to the waist, exposing their bellies and complaining about the watery beer.
To be honest, though, I do feel some sympathy, especially for the Rangers
officials because, for some
reason, Denis Law has been appointed Uefa's special ambassador, whatever that means.
Which means they'll have to do a lot of posing like
haddies with Denis and standing with fixed smiles on their coupons because they won't be able to understand a thing he's saying.
Obviously, though, it's on the park that counts and on the park I think this Rangers
team have some special
talents in the side.
They've got Carlos Cuellar, a heading specialist, Nacho Novo, a penalty kick specialist,
and Kirk Broadfoot, a foul-shy specialist.
I'll tell you one thing, though. I'm glad Daniel Cousin won't be playing, because he doesn't deserve to. Being sent off for adopting an aggressive
posture'. That's a disgrace being sent off for that. Being sent off for actually head-butting the guy, that's fine, that I can tolerate, but getting a red card for kidding on? The man should never play for
Rangers again.
He had the cheek to be on the pitch celebrating wi' the team-mates he had just let down? See if he'd been my player, I'd a gied him the hairdryer' that bad he wouldnae have been able to walk.
By the way, some league title race you're having up in
Glasgow. It's absolutely
fantastic and I thoroughly believe the squeaky bums will get even squeakier before the season is over.
Fair play to my great, great wee pal, Gordon Strachan, all the same. I thought he'd blown it big time but credit to him and his Celtic team.
They've dragged themselves right back into it thanks to fight and gritty determination, not to mention some pure dodgy refereeing decisions too.
You know, looking at things from afar and purely as a
neutral, you understand, I would say Celtic have a really really strong chance of ending up as champions ... the jammy sonsos.
Fans rally to Sir Walter
SHOULD it be SIR Walter? Is he now the greatest-ever Rangers manager? Is this team better than the 1972 ECWC-winning side?
Pre-match on Sunday, these were the serious
subjects being discussed across the various airwaves before Hibs v Rangers.
Post-match, all the talk was of the loud bang heard from the east end of Edinburgh which was either an earth tremor or the sound of Rangers fans coming back down to earth with a bump.
On the subject of Europe, though, as far as we're
concerned, all this criticism of Rangers' wattenaccio, anti-football, is simply sour grapes and patently untrue.
Rangers play to their strengths and, okay, they can - and often do - bore the pants off you, but they are in the final of the Uefa Cup.
So, credit is due for an achievement that's good for all of Scottish football in the same way as Steaua
Bucharest winning the
European Cup in 1986 was good for all of Romanian football.
In name of Art father . . .
ALL those Celtic fans who complain about Rangers' negative tactics must have enjoyed the slick, high-tempo, total football their team produced at Fir Park on Saturday.
Okay, the result was all that mattered, but the game did throw up a number of talking points. Yet again Artur Boruc risked causing offence by wearing an all-black outfit that looked like a Priest's cassock.
Then there was Bobo Balde back in the side and producing the sort of display that left him out of favour in the first place.
And how can we clear up the corner that never was scandal? Well, referee Steve Conroy could admit he got it wrong, but we don't think that's enough.
We want Setanta to screen a documentary on Conroy's unforgivable mistake. We want Conroy to be placed in stocks in George Square and tortured into admitting this heinous error.
And finally, going back to the Uefa Cup, can you
imagine the soul-searching
among Sellic fans to support a team managed by Dick Advocaat that includes Fernando Ricksen?
