The Buddies defender has agreed to take on a charity bet that will see Saints supporters donate hundreds of pounds to Yorkhill Children's Foundation for every goal he scores between now and the end of the season.
If he fails, however, the Irishman will be forced to take centre stage at St Mirren Park on the final home game of the campaign to blast out a Madge classic while dressed as Sacha Baron Cohen's Kazakh funnyman.
A donations page has been set up for fans to pledge their support in the 30-year-old's 'Vankini' challenge, with the odds seemingly stacked against the full-back.
Van Zanten said: "David McDonald, who runs the Black and White Army website, got in touch with me and said he would donate £100 to a charity of my choice for every goal I scored this season.
"I said 'brilliant, great idea' and then he put it out there and a lot of fans jumped on it.
"The question was then asked what would happen if I didn't score.
"They have all agreed to still donate money to charity but I have to do a forfeit.
"Lee Mair came up with the forfeit of me having to wear a mankini and sing 'Like A Virgin' on the pitch, which hope-fully I won't have to do!
"I will have plenty of shooting practice in training now. My last one for St Mirren was in 2006 against Hibs and my last goal was for Morton about three years ago now. It has been a while.
"At the end of the day, it is for charity. Yorkhill is a great charity and hopefully I won't have to do the forfeit and I can bang a couple of goals in. If I don't, I will just need to do it. It is for a great cause so it will be worth it."
Next up for third-placed Saints is a trip to Kilmarnock this weekend and Van Zanten admits consistency will be key as the they look to position themselves for a top-six charge this season.
He said: "It was a great result for us on Saturday. We had a couple of good draws away from home at Motherwell and Aberdeen and we wanted to back that up with a win over Hearts and we did that.
"It was a big win for us because it keeps us in the top half of the table, which is where we want to be."