THE Pavilion panto's newest star this year is a talking toucan called Tex. Tex stars in the Wizard That Never Woz and has already won over a legion of fans with his wisecracks and running commentary on the proceedings. But panto fans are already wondering: what's a Mexican talking bird doing in a Glasgow panto? Brian Beacom had to find out BEACOM: How did you end up in panto?

THE Pavilion panto's newest star this year is a talking toucan called Tex. Tex stars in the Wizard That Never Woz and has already won over a legion of fans with his wisecracks and running commentary on the proceedings. But panto fans are already wondering: what's a Mexican talking bird doing in a Glasgow panto? Brian Beacom had to find out

BEACOM: How did you end up in panto?

TEX: Oh I just sort of arrived, senor. I've been a performer since I left the nest.

That's funny, Tex. I read on Wikipedia that this time last year you were working in a Guadalajara gin joint.

Leesten amigo. It wasn't a gin joint. It was an upmarket eatery. . As for coming to Escocia, that's a long story.

Tell me Okay, I had a bit of a run-in with a local bandito. I made the beeg eyes at hees woman and he threatened to turn me into an enchilada filling. So I flew across the Rio Grande to Hollywood, got myself an agent and made myself available for entertainment shows.

And found success?

No exactamente. Jeremy Kyle wanted to have me on, but I'd have had to told him about the 10 illegitimate kids I had with one old buzzard down in Del Monte.

And the Pavilion?

El jefe, the top banana, the big cheese himself, Iain Gordon, saw my website and reckoned I was the greatest thing to come out of Mexico since mojitos and Elvis in Acapulco. He could see I had the patte and offered me the job faster than you can say Speedy Gonazalez.

Didn't you have to go into quarantine?

Quarantine? Have you seen some of the cast I'm working with? That Shellsuit Bob told me he spent most of last year in the Clyde, hiding from very bad gringos. And Dean Park used to work the northern clubs. And Joyce Falconer is from Aberdeen Sorry if I Ees no importante. Enuff said. In any case, I deed not arrive in Escocia by the usual route.

What?

I came across in a crate of bananas and ended up in the Blochairn fruit market. I was a few pesos short of an economy seat and, well, the immigration officials don't need to know.

What do you bring to the panto, besides possible bird flu and a few Mexican ticks?

No need for that, gringo. I'm a trained actor, with six weeks under my wing at the Sylvia Young school in Boca Raton.

Yes, but you don't do much on stage.

Are you loco? I look. And I talk. And sometimes I flap my wings too. Exactly, what do you expect for two burritos and a bottle of Corona a day? Blythe Duff?

Do I detect a touch of Glaswegian in your accent?

Si, amigo. The owner of the gin joint - perdon, restaurante - was married to a burd from Paisley and she used to get sent Rab C Nesbitt videos . My very first words as a tiny toucan were Let me tell you this boy.

Yir a good-for-nothing wee dwarf.' Rumour has the Pavilion got you for the whole panto run for three and a half grand.

Si, I'm a leetle cheaper than the Deano. But the Pavilion is a showcase for me, senor. Once the fans see what I can do, the offers weel come in. I've already had the chance to start up a mariachi band in Milton.

What are you really hoping for by the end of the run?

Por supuesto, to meet a leetle bird from Ferguslie Park or Faifley who likes her men dark and slightly dangerous. She doesn't have to look like Salma Hayek, just so long as she has her own pad.

Why?

The Pavilion promised me a riverside apartamento for the length of the panto run. But they've got me sleeping in Dean Park's laundry cupboard. Incidentally, have I told you about Dean's underwear? It hurts the eyes . . .

You seem to be friends with most of the cast.

Except for Fairy Cat Harvey. Is there a reason for this?

Are you seemple, senior? She's a Cat, that's why! Caramba!

Your career is rushing forwards. Have you thought of film? You could be the new Tweetie Pie.

You could be the bird in the Birdman of Alcatraz.

You could be Big Bird in Sesame Street.

And you could be headed for a fat fajita, amigo. But there have been TV producers round. River City bosses want me to sit on the bar of the Tall Ship and chat nice to the customers, you know phrases like Oh, Gina, you're the wind beneath ma' wings.' (Tex smiles and looks pleased).

Do you think I've got the X Factor?

I think you've got a factor.