We have some patter in Glasgow so it is expected that we are able to belt out some of the funniest jokes around. Here is our list of the 11 best Glasgow jokes. 

1. How can you tell the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?

Bing sings but Walt Disney

2. Why did the chocolate bar melt?

Because it was Bounty 

3. How many Spanish guys does it take to change a light bulb?

Just Juan

4. Did you hear about the lonely prisoner?

He was in his cell

5. What do you call six weeks of rain in Glasgow?

6. Glasgow is a very negative place. If Kanye was born in Glasgow he would have been called No You Cannae. Credit: Frankie Boyle

7. Edinburgh and Glasgow, same country, two very different cities. When a gun goes off in Edinburgh, it’s one o’clock. Credit: Kevin Bridges

8. A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. Comfy? asks the dentist. Govan, she replies. 

9. Man walks into a Glasgow pub and asks for a pint of lager with a dash of lime. We don't do cocktails, replies the barman. 

10. What do you call a dwarf that falls into a cement mixer?

A wee hard man

11. Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the
Glasgow Mafia?

Apparently they made him an offer he couldn't understand.

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