I’ll tell you what won’t be coming home; that couch you ordered from IKEA; not after dodgy English football fans “celebrated” World Cup victory over Sweden stomping all over the stuff in one of their stores.

It’s odd, but couches are on my mind, and it may be because a very famous one came to Glasgow this week, do you know which one?

As I write, I suspect a decade’s worth of dedicated fans will be queuing out of Glasgow’s Victoria Park gates to get a selfie sitting on a certain orange couch.

Talk about spotting an available gap in the market – the set of the show Friends is touring the world.

When Friends first aired in the 1990s, my son was young enough to routinely want to bundle up with me together on our own couch to watch it. I had it back to myself by his early teens.

I asked him then which of the Friends girls he’d like to go out with, and was surprised and delighted when he responded with a guffaw at the obvious answer to this – “Phoebe of course, she’s the funniest.” A very proud mum I was.

At the weekend there I was bundled up on a couch again, this time with Jack Docherty, actor, comedian and star of Scot Squad and Fred MacAuley, at the Gilded Balloon Rose Street Basement theatre.

Fred is doing a series of chat shows as a warm up for the Edinburgh Fringe. We three are all heading there soon.

It was quite fitting, me sitting ‘tween a big polis and a one-time accountant on the couch, especially as the Fringe show I was talking about, In For a Penny, is all about a miscalculation that leads to a run in with the law.

You won’t find many couches at the Fringe, though. When it comes to sets it’s a no go, of course.

In fact, it’s a strictly “come on-get aff” affair. My show will be on a tiny stage with no backstage area.

Therefore, the only three-dimensional couch you could have would have to appear and disappear within a 15-minute turnaround – it’d have to be an inflatable!

I can just see me now sliding off it and into the lap of someone in the first row.

Maybe touring the Friends set isn’t so mad after all. When a show has a great set; like the Oyster café in River City, which is so full of peachy warmth and Italian charisma, it almost becomes like another character in the show.

The Central Perk coffee shop, even with its orange couch, doesn’t have a look in, I’d rather be on the couch in the booths of the Oyster any day.

Of course, there are always compromises on sets to allow for cameras to get access to the characters.

Hence you might have noticed the set up in both Frasier, and of course more famously Gina’s, home set? Both had couches that bizarrely had their backs to the fireplace. I mean you wouldn’t, would you?

Well, maybe in this weather!

And finally...

You know you’re old when you wake up on the couch and all you remember of the film is the opening credits.

That which has no fractional or decimal part, is superior to the single number obtained by the combining of two or more other numbers making a number without remainder, to the entirety of its portions.
Answer: The whole is greater the sum of its parts.

In the event that, the natural upward projection of the earth’s surface resulting in a rocky summit declines to progress toward the prophet and founder of Islam; it follows suit that the prophet and founder of Islam will be necessitated in the direction of the natural upward projection of the earth’s surface resulting in a rocky summit.