GLASGOW funnyman Kevin Bridges is set to begin his 19-date run at The SSE Hydro tonight.

The 31-year-old will take to the stage for his The Brand New Tour around 8.50pm promising a "decent night out" for the thousands of fans after a three-year hiatus.

To get you in the mood for the Clydebank-native's return, we've put together a list of his top 10 jokes.

1.“In Glasgow, ‘how?’ means ‘why?’ You do not ponder why, you demand HOW?”

2. “It must be pretty surreal being Prince Harry and William on a stag night. Just you and your mates stuffing pictures of your gran into your lap-dancer’s bra.”

3. “When the kids at school found out your parents were away, news spread like wildfire. ‘Oh I hear you’re having a party.’ Having is probably the wrong word to use…you’re GETTING a party.”

Read more: Yaldy! Countdown is on as funnyman Kevin Bridges to return to Glasgow with new tour next month

4. “I’ve never been stabbed, but I can imagine it being somewhat inconvenient.”

5. “There’s a guy in the corner just trying on peoples jackets. Asking people if it suits him, not even does it fit him, does it suit him. The guy’s a petty thief but he’s also a fashionista.”

WARNING - VIDEO CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

6. "The same guy leaving the house at the end of the night holding a microwave. 'I think you'll find I brought this with me and I do not care for the accusation'." 

7. “The guy said ‘Fat boy – give me a quid, or you’re getting stabbed.’ I thought – quite reasonable.”

8. "We never had spring break. We had the Easter holidays." 

Read more: Funnyman Kevin Bridges to begin month-long run at The Hydro this week

9. “The city of Glasgow was recently announced as Europe’s murder capital, but also voted the UK’s friendliest city. In the same week. We got our act together pronto.”

10. “Is everybody having a good credit crunch? I don’t really know what happened. I just remember everything became really expensive. The final straw for me was when I was in a shop buying a packet of Bikers, a packet of Space Raiders and a packets of Johnny’s Onion Rings. Imagine my shock when the guy asked me for 45 pence."

WARNING - VIDEO CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

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