A PARENTING blogger has told how social media left her feeling anxious and unhappy about motherhood because her own experience did not live up to other people’s “perfect snapshots”.
Susan Mann, from East Kilbride in Lanarkshire, said she had to take a step back from social media forums such as Instagram six weeks after giving birth to her daughter because the sites left her battling “high levels of anxiety”.
The 41-year-old IT manager, who has been writing her parenting and lifestyle blog 'Susan K Mann' for nearly a decade, said she felt under much more pressure to live up to an idealised social media version of motherhood after having her daughter Aria, now six, than she did when she and her husband, Robert, had their first children - sons Lucas, 12, and Tyler, 10.
She said: “Social media wasn’t as much of a thing back then. I only started blogging when Tyler was one - I didn’t really feel the pressure at that point.”
Read more: Social media pressure hits young Scots
However, Ms Mann said she felt stressed about seemingly simple events such as posting the first image of Aria on Instagram.
She said: “The first time sharing a picture of Aria on Instagram, I felt like it had to be the perfect picture but I just didn’t have that down.
“I’m aware that Instagram is a snapshot of a moment and everything could be falling in around them, but I felt as though everyone else looked calmer, like they weren’t busy trying to juggle things.
“I had had a C-section and I was in pain. You’re so emotional and, looking back, I was making mountains out of molehills really.
“Eventually I did take a step back when Aria was six weeks old and I was at my check-up. I spoke to the doctor to say I was experiencing high levels of anxiety in general, probably caused by social media.
“But at the time it was difficult to pinpoint that social media was causing it.”
Read more: Only two in 300 mothers in Scotland having a home birth
Ms Mann said she wanted to speak out about her own struggle as new research shows that one in 10 Scots admit to feeling upset or down because their own experience of a life milestone did not live up to the social media hype.
These included key moments such as having a baby, buying house, or getting married.
One in 10 Scots also said they had avoided posting pictures on social networks because their experience “didn’t look as good” as those shared by other people.
The survey, for Bupa Health Clinics, was based on a poll of nearly 200 adults in Scotland in April this year.
More than half (55%) said social media creates an expectation of what life’s key moments should look like, and 81% said society puts too much pressure on achieving life’s milestones.
Read more: Majority of expectant mothers in Scotland now overweight or obese
It chimes with previous research such as a 2017 study of 1500 UK teenagers by the Royal Society of Public Health which found that use of Instagram in particular - a popular photo-sharing platform - was associated with high levels of anxiety, depression, bullying and ‘fear of missing out’ (FOMO).
Lynsey Baird, lead physician at Bupa Health Clinics Glasgow, said: “Social media can be a fantastic way of engaging with other people, staying informed and building and maintaining a network.
“However, it can be easy to forget that what we see on social media is just a snapshot of a moment in time and can sometimes leave people feeling depressed and inadequate when their experiences don’t match up.
“This is especially true when it comes to the big life events. Whether it’s adjusting to becoming a parent, buying a house or even celebrating Christmas - comparing your reality with picture perfect experiences can make you feel as though you’ve fallen short.
“In reality, reaching these milestones can be hard work, from successfully getting a promotion, planning a big wedding or moving into a new home, you may feel as though it is an anti-climax and can create a feeling of being underwhelmed.
“It’s at this point, when you are feeling physically and mentally run down, that seeing someone else’s seemingly perfect experience of the same milestone can have an adverse effect on your mental health.”
Ms Mann said even seeing status updates from other parents celebrating a good’s night’s sleep or looking at pictures of a friend enjoying a trip to the park while she was feeling exhausted was enough to trigger strong feelings of anxiety.
Six years on, she said she would advise other parents to recognise the symptoms of social media stress and take a break.
She said: “What I would try to say to people is that it’s not going to be perfect, but if you want to record a particular moment in time to look back on, do it.
“But be honest with yourself and if it’s making you feel really anxious, just step back and look at the bigger picture.
"Is it really worth putting this pressure on yourself? I wish I could go back and say that to myself.
“And just be yourself, because people will appreciate you more. That’s something I learned over time.
“Even now, if I’m in a negative frame of mind I tend to step back from social media because you’ll regret putting things out there. If you’re angry or upset, chances are you’re going to post something that you’re going to regret later.
“It’s better to be in the right frame of mind rather than being spontaneous.”
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