OH come on. If you can't be happy in Glasgow, you can't be happy anywhere.

Our fair city has much to recommend it and much to denigrate it. But blanket unhappiness? That can't be right.

The annual happiness index produced by Bank of Scotland asks people how happy or unhappy they are in their local communities before giving them a score of a very unhappy -100 to an ecstatic +100.

In the Highlands and Islands, which topped the chart, the average happiness level was +55.6 while in Glasgow we slumped to the bottom of the table with only +38.5.

Even Edinburgh scored +44.7. Edinburgh. I demand a recount.

Who are these miserable Minnies who took part? I'd love a chat. And it must have been an unfortunate bunch indeed, as in the same week it was revealed a separate survey showed Glasgow to be among the happiest places to live in the UK.

Of 2000 working professionals, 70.6 per cent of Glasgow workers were happy, citing high average pay rates, lower living costs than other parts of Britain and the entertainment, culture and food we have on our doorsteps.

For those living in the Highlands and Islands, the access to the great outdoors, fresh air, low pollution and the quiet sense of community were the boons.


Glasgow has 'unhappiest people' in Scotland

Those with a household income of more than £60,000 were the most content. Money can buy happiness, it turns out, and who's surprised? It's much easier to be delighted with your lot in life when you're comfortable: when the mortgage is paid, your surroundings are pleasant and you can treat yourself to nice things.

Over 65s were the happiest age group for the fifth year running. Again, no jaws dropping here. You're more likely to be financially stable, stable in your home life and retired - so no more grafting for the man with a boss you can't bear and colleagues you can't abide. Plenty of time for trips to those happiness-creating environments in the Highlands and Islands.

Our 18 to 24-year-olds were the unhappiest in Scotland. Do you remember the uncertainty and pressure of being young? Will I make it through my degree course? Will I find an apprenticeship? Will I find a job? Can I afford a house? Do I want to get married? Have children? Why am I so skint?

Those living in households of two were the happiest, followed by those in homes with six or more people but living alone was likely to make you unhappy. Six or more people under the one roof sounds like hell on earth but good luck to them.

What did Glasgow City Council have to say to the news the Dear Green Place has a face that's tripping it? "Surely answering a Bank of Scotland survey makes everyone happy?"

Well, clearly not.

But why is Glasgow so unhappy? Is it perhaps that those in the Highlands and Islands have what they already want while in Glasgow we know what could be better?

To be happy in a rural, isolated place is a very specific, self-sufficient sort of happiness and not for everyone. You don't need to be able to go to the cinema or the theatre or gigs with ease to entertain yourself. You don't need to get out to the dancing or an endless array of restaurants to be cheered.


Glasgow is the place to be for satisfaction in Europe

You can send your children out to play with a lot less worry and you can probably leave your front door unlocked. Peace of mind, that is, and for some that will be equivalent to happiness.

Will it make young people happy? I imagine the opportunities for socialising and dating are far more limited. Fine, if you're already married and settled, but a move to a remote island for our 18 to 24-year-old age group is less likely to spark joy with its minimalism.

One of the glorious things about Glasgow, of course, is its ease of escape. In an hour you can be in the much-lauded Highlands. Within the hour you can be on a sandy beach with an ice cream, fighting off swooping seagulls.

Even if you are on a tight budget, there are world class museums and art galleries waiting to entertain you for free.

Glasgow is also such a compact city that there's little chance of feeling anonymous or overlooked. You can still know your neighbours. While our transport system needs a lot of work to make it more affordable, better connected and better serving of the city's needs, Glasgow is small enough that it doesn't take too long to get from end to end. No 90 minute commutes for Glasgow residents.

Perhaps our problem is that we don't realise how good we've got it. The solution? A month in a remote coastal town. Fabulous for a short break, but by the end your average city dweller will be begging to get back to civilisation and arriving in Glasgow with a smile on their face.

Happiness score? +100.